OUCH...

I wrote a newspaper article once about how ER visits go up when things get icy.  Well yesterday I decided to test this theory.  "Why not?" I thought? I was dressed up to go to the Temple for the first time since Ben was born and it was our anniversary-- a great time for experimentation. So here's the story as it played out…

Will was getting ready inside and I was all ready.  We were in a hurry to get babes to the babysitter and I thought I'd clean the car off of the ice and snow that had accumulated through the night.  In my high heeled boots no less. I had just finished the last window on the car and decided to jump from a snowy part of the driveway to an icy part (where I went wrong in my thinking… we'll never know ;). It didn't take longer than a split second to find myself on the ground.  I was struggling to breath and praying that my neighbor across the street had not seen and would not look over. I tried to pull myself up but experienced intense pain and dizziness when I tried. I could see that my only option was to wait. Wait for Will to figure out I was gone.  I kept one eye on my neighbor (who never did see me) and one on the ice in front of me-- trying to concentrate on not fainting. Finally when Will did come (a few minutes later), he saw that I couldn't move and started running to me. I told him not to run (we didn't need two hospital trips…) he slowed his pace and made it to me. He helped me up and we slowly made our way to the door. By the time we made it inside I about lost conciseness and Will carried me to the couch where I asked for a bowl and quick. I emptied some of my mornings breakfast into the bowl and laid there glad that it was over…we sort of, kind of like the beginning of the end.

The only time I shed some tears during the entire experience was when Ben was placed in my arms.  Trying to imagine how to take care of him without the ability to drive or walk. Once I got to the doctors office however, the outlook was a little less grim.  I won't be able to drive for 6 weeks but I can walk.  I have what is called a stable ankle fracture. Basically it is on the bone that does not bear my weight. So with the help of the boot I can waddle (with a little pain) while holding Ben.

Speaking of Ben his latest and greatest is screaming. He screams to get his way and loves to be held while walking and bouncing. He is also more squirmy than ever. I can't wait to see this kid grow up and become the person he is to be...

Ben's first Christmas! 

Will and his brothers all happened to wear green this particular day…. fun huh :)

Mr. Elephant

It happened one day. Our little tiny boy became a bigger tiny boy.  You want to know how I know, I'll tell you. He now has a favorite toy!!! Mr. Elephant. I set up his little mobile/play boppy one day and attached a blue elephant to the mobile along with several other toys. But none of the other toys even mattered, his hand and eyes seemed to only connect with Mr. Elephant. And so it was our littly tiny boy became an even bigger tiny boy.  As a side story to the main Elephant story, this morning I awoke and discovered Mr. Elephant had gone missing. After a feverish search of the premises he was located in my mothers music room. After careful deduction I realized that it had been kidnapped by a kid. Riley, my four-year old niece. I haven't convicted the lassie yet, but mark my words her mother will get a phone call from me shortly.

Next and final entry for this blogpost is my little man had his first visit to Insta care. After about 6 hours on and off of crying dad (aka grandpa Clarke) prematurely diagnosed Ben with pnemonia-- citing a "wheezing" sound in Benji as the culprit to his guess. Will was out of town so I begged my father to accompany me to the hospital and I quickly fed Ben, and changed him to prepare him for a trip to the ER, but not without completey falling apart first. My tears streamed onto his little body as I prepared him for the trip. I was worried sick that Ben had a life threatening illness. After our visit to Instacare we discovered the "wheeze" was Ben's way of telling us he had an ear infection and was not happy about it. We went home with a prescription for amoxicillin and a lot calmer mother.  The end.

This is how mad Ben was when he found out Mr. Elephant had been STOLEN!

I was pretty mad too….

Will thought all the talk of Mr. Elephant was a little over the top.

Benji's Two Month Stats

Drum roll please…………. Our baby is the 95 percentile in head size (up from 14 percent-- I know weird), he is a 68 percentile in height and 45 percentile in weight. Ben weighs 11.12 pounds and is 23.5 inches tall. Some of the questions I asked my doctor were about eye color, sleeping and his flaky skin. I will proceed with stories attached to the questions.

Eye color. We all know eye color is about stats. How many genes you throw into a pool that are dominant versus recessive. Well for those of you who know Will and his family you also know that all 11 kids and one parent have brown eyes (Sarah has green/brown).  I think those are some pretty dominant genes. So I thought "it just isn't possible for Ben to have any color but brown." Fluke of flukes-- it was confirmed yesterday by our doctor that Ben has blue eyes.  In fact currently they aren't just blue they are the exact lighter blue on the inside and a dark blue line on the outside  -- that mine are. We have twiner eyes. I would take a picture and post it to show you but the little buzzard is sleeping. Watch for the picture later.

Next his sleeping. I admit it. I admit it. I was jealous/bugged/confused when I found out a baby two weeks older than Ben and another four-month-old is sleeping through the night and had been doing such for a month and a half (Will's cousin's babies- Spencer and Tyler).  Spencer's doctor told them babies could sleep through the night at 10 pounds. So worried about my horrible mothering techniques, I asked my doctor. Well let me tell you, he is my kind of guy.  He said babies can sleep through the night at 12 pounds and somewhere around four months.  I have a month and a half to redeem myself! Three days this week Ben has slept 6 hours in a row.

Lastly, Ben has really flaky skin. I thought it was just normal baby peeling until earlier this week when it only seemed to be getting worse. And it sent me over the top Tuesday morning when my baby had three huge gashes from his nails on his forehead. His nails were not even that long! The doctor explained he was scratching his head because it itches. Ben has eczema (a little known fact -- Will also has some eczema -- AKA skin allergy).  The doctor thinks Ben inherited Will's tendency for eczema (which is totally treatable and not a big deal just a little more lotion in the morning). So Will gave Ben a type of skin rash and I gave him blue eyes-- I'm going to be the favorite parent for sure (just kidding!).  Look on the bright side Ben and Will can share skin cream ;)

                                              My nieces/nephews are soooo cute with Ben

            Here are Ben's second cousins Tegan, Eli, and Ben all born within a few weeks/months

                   My brother, Peter who we have not seen in over a year, had a layover flight in SLC.

                                            Christmastime with my little family is WONDERFUL!

                                        Here are a few of Ben's brown-eyed uncles and aunts!

When I see you smile

Crack of dawn, a few hours sleep and a nice bed. Then comes the noise and I know it's time again. Eyes open, then close and open again. I roll out of bed and into the next room. The light on and my little man bright eyed- breaks into a smile…

Here is the youtube link for anyone who doesn't have quicktime. It is also a much better video quality. 
 
Benji is at the cutest stage right now. Where ever I go in the room his eyes follow me. He smiles when prompted, sometimes, and is sleeping longer at night. This mom business is wonderful. I should have tried it years ago ;) While wonderful, I admit to feeling a little confused about my identity, my value as a part of the whole-- world that is. Before having Benji my accomplishments were more measurable and visible. Now my accomplishments are based on how many hours in a row Ben sleeps or if I change his diaper right before he messes in it or right after. I am at the beginning of a process of redefining myself from a professional business type woman to a mom in sweat pants. Actually, I imagine there is a world in the middle of the two "types of women." A happy medium-- a world devoted to family and also measurable self improvement. Join me in my journey-- I'm sure this is the beginning of many blogs to come on this topic.

Take Care,

Summer

Taking Responsibility

There comes a time in every person's life where they have to make a decision… to get out of bed before noon. That decision came for me the last few weeks.  I thought I could sleep off my son's night time energy by making it up in the morning. Come to find out my "sleeping in" habits only made the situation worse- go figure.  Below I have an exhibit. You may think that it is two newborns…. but your wrong. What you are really looking at is a newborn who is some mother's third child and a newborn who is some mother's first child.  One that is well behaved when placed on the floor or in a crib and the other that thinks the world is at an end cause mom is not holding him.  Now I am not pointing any fingers but I think newborn number two needs a new mom ;} or at least has to be reallll patient with the mom he's got. I've decided the hardest part of this new mommy thing is knowing nothing. Ok not nothing but really little. Meanwhile, my little Ben is trying so hard to show me the ropes and some days I am hanging onto bedsheets instead. I assume that he is the right kid for the job and somehow Heavenly Father knows our "first children" can and will survive our lack of parenting skills. (It makes sense now why the fourth child always turns out soooo well. I mean think of all that practice their mothers/fathers got).

The latest and greatest on Ben. He is SMILING!!! He just melts my heart, he smiles more and more and more everyday.  Along with the increase twinkle in his eyes, he is also coooing. The miniature human sounds are sooo cute! I have moved Ben up to size one diapers. He probably could still fit into the newborn diapers but he also fits the size one diaper, so size one it is. Below are pictures we took up behind Weber State University at Beus park. It was an amazing fall evening.

I want to say one more thing about taking responsibility-- one that is totally unrelated to Baby Ben.  It is related to watching the things we say. The power of words to wound or heal. In the scriptures you read about "the word" having more power than the sword.  I think it is because words are more eternal in nature. They have to do with not only our physical but spiritual selves. I have been of the opinion that it is ok to express yourself. It is ok to say what you feel.  I still hold to that opinion but now it has a caveat. It is ok to express yourself as long as it is not hurting someone else. If it does hurt someone else-- than perhaps it should be restated or not stated at all. I believe we should lift and not let down. And while I would never physically "harm" some person do I ever emotionally "harm?" I feel like I have, and even recently. For this I am sorry. If you happen to be someone I have hurt with my words and are reading this-- again I am sorry. While words - like daggers can create a world of hurt, they can also heal a broken heart. So I am vowing to take responsibility to watch my words that they are used to strengthen and not attack.

Holy Plumperness

It happened right before my eyes... or during a nap or something. I picked up Ben in the middle of the night last night and he felt more solid. He had more meat on him.  I just hugged him all morning to be sure that it was true, that my little boy was indeed expanding. I know most of you will laugh and think that he is still very little compared to what he will be in the months to come, but it was my first realization that my newborn will not be a newborn forever. In fact he will only be a newborn for a week or two more. Crazy!  I keep staring into his dark grey eyes to see if I can see a hint of what is to come --- Blue or Brown. I watch his hair in anticipation for the brown to fade out and the blonde to phase in. He is covered in baby acne as of late. I have applied Stridex pimple cream all over his face and arms and legs, but it doesn't seem to help (I'm kidding for those of you who may be horrified about that last sentence).

O speaking of sleeping, anyone have any lately. I walk around in my PJ's half the morning trying to convince Ben to "please give me one more nap. just one more nap." I called my friend last week and said "Rae, he won't let me put him down without crying." She gave me some solutions and said something about making sure I put him down before he falls asleep so he doesn't learn to fall asleep only in my arms. "WHY didn't you tell me that a month and a half ago!" I retorted. She said she'd figured I had read it in the five or so books I had been reading before his birth. I thought back to those days O so long ago and sure enough I found the information shoved away on a shelf in my noggen. My brain's reference library isn't working lately, all I can think about is sleep and when the last time I changed Benjamin was. Really though since my revelation last week Ben is doing much better at preferring his crib to my arms. I still have the crib beat but he at least likes his own bed a little more this week, which means more bed-time for me!

What else. O yeah you know something else I knew I knew but forgot until I remembered? This past sunday things were going smoothly. I stepped out of class and into the mothers feeding room 25 minutes before Sacrament meeting. Plenty of time to feed and change the kid. Well I was wrapping up the feeding with five minutes to go when classes got out. People rushing in and out of the bathroom, two mothers in line for the baby glider and I am furiously changing Ben out of his dirty diaper to get us out in time for Sacrament meeting. That is when it happened. The rainbow effect.  All over his beautiful sunday outfit, the chair and me of course. I knew I should have kept him covered. Madly, I'm cleaning him and wiping the chair off, apologizing to the next mother in line to sit where he had just went. Luckily I had another outfit for him to change into, unfortunately it was plain old Pajamas-- PJ's  who wants to show off their newborn to his new ward in PJ's instead of those custom made miniature clothes for little people that just make you melt. PJ's. I'm still a little sore about that one. Well long story short we made it in time for sacrament meeting but not in enough time to be the only person walking in with a baby in PJ's while the entire congregation sat singing the opening hymn and watching us thinking "why is he wearing THAT to church?" We should have thrown her two showers.

OK so Benji is just about done with his 8th meal for the day (I was about to say dinner, but that wouldn't be accurate, because dinner is typically only the 3rd meal of the day). I hope all is well with you. Enjoy the pics of my little chubbler, O and his cute littlenesses in a Halloween pumpkin outfit.

Summer

Ya gotta love the newborn pouty faces. They are the BEST!

A different place

From the minute Benjamin was born I felt like I was a part of a place I never knew existed. A world where every whimper and soiled diaper was a call to action. Where if I had three to four hours sleep in a row I am very pleased. I joined the throng of thousands of mothers who get up in the middle of the night, just to make sure their child is breathing.  My time is no longer mine -- I've freely given it to Benjamin and Will.

Before this past month, no matter how much I could have tried to understand what it must feel to be a mom-- I could not reach what it actually is to be a mother. I got a taste of what it was to give much when I married Will, but being a mother, now, I feel like I've given all. So as afraid and proud as I am to be a mother, ready or not it is here.  Mothers are so extraordinary. I hope to live worthy of the title of being "mother." Below is a video clip on motherhood that I thought was worth sharing.

As for Benjamin -- he is so cute!  He is about two pounds bigger than he was a birth. He can now smile sometimes when prompted. We took him on a hay ride to a pumpkin patch one week and then on a short hike the next. We know we enjoy these outings more than he does (our first clue is that he sleeps through most of the planned activities), but somehow he stills seems to double the fun in our adventures.  As for sleep-- he has pulled quite a few nights in a row of one hour on one hour off. Keeping my eyes open during the day is a little challenging after a week of this pattern.  Ben and I "sleep in" quite a bit and all my friends who have more than one child giggle knowing the "sleeping in" part of the equation only lasts with the first child. He of course has already showered us with luttle (AKA potty). It seems as if Will gets the rainbow delights more often than I do.  Benji has about one real fussy hour a day -- and then the rest he is pretty laid back. His neck is strong and he will push himself onto his feet much more often than at first. He loves the sound of running water and seems to like baths and his hair combed. Well I better get my sleeping husband and son to their beds. Enjoy the latest pics…

 

Clarification

As the pain and tiredness has worn off from the first two weeks peace and contentment have settled in. The plan of salvation has become so clear to me. Having had so many years without Will and Benjamin, but seeking the blessing of a family and now having them here -- what a difference they make in my life. I thank our Heavenly Father every day for such priceless gifts.

As for motherhood, I never tire of watching Benjamin. His little movements, his expressions, his small stature, and his squinty eyes. With his whole life in front of him, I can't help but imagine him as a valiant priesthood holder. Courageous, choosing good from evil, much like Alma 13 describes.

Highlights from the past week, Benjamin has a strong neck and legs. I love when he pushes against me and stands on his own. He is so incredibly cute (as depicted in his first photo shoot shown above/below). Ben loves to suck, so as you can guess he really likes the binky. However, Will and I try to use the binky only in emergencies like - intense cries and when we are in public or his noises in the wee hours of the morning. Will just pointed out that in 11 days our boy will be one month old. Today he had a visitor who was three months old and the size difference was amazing-- babies change so fast. So put your helmets on and join us for an amazing year!

Week One

I have never been so fulfilled in my life. I never knew having Benjamin would bring so much joy/love into my life. If I had one word to describe the birth of our son it would be gratitude, for such a priceless gift. I am so excited to raise this child. Will is such an amazing father and has been very supportive of the ups and downs associated with that first week/month of the baby's life.

So some of the ups have been -- my little boy loves to snuggle. He doesn't fuss when we hold him close and he only cries when he needs something.You won't believe it but he did not even cry during his circumcision. He is very healthy and really interactive. My sister says he is advanced the way he can bring his hand to his mouth whenever he pleases. Ben is a pro at nursing. He  latches well and eats often.

A cute thing he did this week was he got hold of his hair and was pulling it hard and screaming for dear life. I couldn't get him to loosen his grip. It was soo cute. We've already found our first great deal on huggies diapers and ran out yesterday to stock up. It seems as he goes through 40 diapers a week-- lots and lots.

Some of the downs- the first four days of Benjamin's life I had an average of three hours of sleep a night. Sitting, standing and feeding the baby were quite painful.  By day three when I had to venture to the pediatrician without my husband by my side I was beside myself. My poor mother took the brunt of my fuss and worry. She was going to take me to the doctor but as she began the trip she was promptly ordered back to the driveway so I could drive and assure Benjamin of a safe trip.

Since hour one this kid has been showered with visitors. I have entertained visitors, about three sets a day, for the last week and a half. It's a little overwhelming.  My house is a mess, and generally when visitors come I am either nursing, on the verge of tears or just plain exhausted. I told Will we need to cut down on family and friends -- so if you get a letter of resignation from me in the mail don't be offended- it's not personal it's just business. (Just kidding if you are reading this blog you are likely one of the few whom I actually want to see ;).

Well my little snuggle buns (Ben is going to love that nickname when he reads it when he is older) is starting to wiggle out of his sleep/nap. I best be off.

Labor & Delivery

Shhh…. Benjamin is sleeping. I've got a minute to tell our story so wish me luck that little one doesn't wake too soon.

Friday night, September 24, 2010, was perfect. Will and I took a ride along the mountain side and enjoyed the fall colors and beautiful homes up in South Ogden then we tried a new ice cream shop nearby. The only indication that something might be different is a complete stranger at the ice cream shop said to me, "you look like you're going to pop."  I thought, huh- if someone that doesn't even know me thinks that, maybe I am close.  Well we went to bed that night and I tossed and turned a little more than usual and had a little pain. The pain went from a little to consistently every 10 minutes at 1 am, by 2 am I figured that it was too consistent to be anything other than labor. I was excited. I told Will-- but he was of course sleeping and would forget the next few minutes. I knew I had sometime before we would go to the hospital. I really wanted my house-- deeply cleaned before then, so I got out of bed and proceeded to wash and vacuum and organize. Every ten to seven minutes I would take a knee and wait for the pain to pass. By 7 am I decided it was time to wake my hubby. He of course was pleased that we were on our way to having a baby. I told him I didn't want to go to the hospital til the pain was unbearable so he started working on projects with me and we waited for more pain. I finished up packaging some spices I had dried and by then my contractions were five minutes apart, not three so I thought lets run an errand or two and then go to the hospital. Well as fate would have it the car slowed my contractions to seven minutes apart and we ended up running several errands and coming back for lunch. By lunch time my contractions were back to five minutes apart and they were unbearable-- which was a relief. I know, sounds funny.

By one o clock in the afternoon we were at the hospital. They put us in a temporary checking room and there I got the worst news of my life. After twelve hours of labor I was still a 2+ -- the exact dilation I was at in my appointment three days earlier (for you who don't know they don't usually admit you until you are at a four). I was devastated. I was in too much pain and did not want to go home. She left us there and said she'd check in on us later. Well 30 minutes later when another nurse came in I was screaming through a contraction and holding onto Will for dear life. She said, "Whoa! how long have you been like this." I just screamed. She checked me and I had gone from a 2+ to a 5+ in less than 30 minutes. They moved me to the delivery room right away (the magic baby number is 10-- once you've dilated to a 10 you're ready to push the baby out). It took another hour for the anesthesiologist to come and I was at a 7 by the time he put the epidural in. Next followed two hours of bliss just listening to my baby's heart beat. At 6 pm I had a confrontation with the doctor at telling him I did not want pitosin (a drug that creates contractions for you). At 7:02 pm Benjamin David was born, after about 10 pushes-- that took about 10 minutes.  Amidst the rush of the room all I could do was watch the table where he was being cleaned. Waiting for them to tell me he was OK. He did not scream and he did not fuss, but he scored high- his health was then and continues to be stellar. He was 7 lbs 9 ounces and 19 inches long.

As a funny side note, I had done the math in my mind. By the time I delivered the restaurant that feeds you dinner would be closed and I would have to eat some cold cuts. So about 6:45 just before I started pushing I had Will order me dinner. It was there just in time to eat warm once baby was born.

Right now I'm living in a dream. Benjamin is my life and I never tiring of being with him. His little face, his little hands, his little cries. I can't believe I am his mother. I have actually caught myself telling him "Aunt Summer will take care you." Next to Will, Benjamin is the greatest blessing I could ever hope for.

I don't know what the topic of my next entry will be, maybe the emotion, pain and at times shear hilarity of the week after the hospital. I've already had a ridiculous break down. They tell you not to mess with a pregnant mother, well that goes for a new mother too-- Wow emotions are high ;)

Thanks for reading. I'll keep you posted.

Summer