A different place

From the minute Benjamin was born I felt like I was a part of a place I never knew existed. A world where every whimper and soiled diaper was a call to action. Where if I had three to four hours sleep in a row I am very pleased. I joined the throng of thousands of mothers who get up in the middle of the night, just to make sure their child is breathing.  My time is no longer mine -- I've freely given it to Benjamin and Will.

Before this past month, no matter how much I could have tried to understand what it must feel to be a mom-- I could not reach what it actually is to be a mother. I got a taste of what it was to give much when I married Will, but being a mother, now, I feel like I've given all. So as afraid and proud as I am to be a mother, ready or not it is here.  Mothers are so extraordinary. I hope to live worthy of the title of being "mother." Below is a video clip on motherhood that I thought was worth sharing.

As for Benjamin -- he is so cute!  He is about two pounds bigger than he was a birth. He can now smile sometimes when prompted. We took him on a hay ride to a pumpkin patch one week and then on a short hike the next. We know we enjoy these outings more than he does (our first clue is that he sleeps through most of the planned activities), but somehow he stills seems to double the fun in our adventures.  As for sleep-- he has pulled quite a few nights in a row of one hour on one hour off. Keeping my eyes open during the day is a little challenging after a week of this pattern.  Ben and I "sleep in" quite a bit and all my friends who have more than one child giggle knowing the "sleeping in" part of the equation only lasts with the first child. He of course has already showered us with luttle (AKA potty). It seems as if Will gets the rainbow delights more often than I do.  Benji has about one real fussy hour a day -- and then the rest he is pretty laid back. His neck is strong and he will push himself onto his feet much more often than at first. He loves the sound of running water and seems to like baths and his hair combed. Well I better get my sleeping husband and son to their beds. Enjoy the latest pics…

 

Clarification

As the pain and tiredness has worn off from the first two weeks peace and contentment have settled in. The plan of salvation has become so clear to me. Having had so many years without Will and Benjamin, but seeking the blessing of a family and now having them here -- what a difference they make in my life. I thank our Heavenly Father every day for such priceless gifts.

As for motherhood, I never tire of watching Benjamin. His little movements, his expressions, his small stature, and his squinty eyes. With his whole life in front of him, I can't help but imagine him as a valiant priesthood holder. Courageous, choosing good from evil, much like Alma 13 describes.

Highlights from the past week, Benjamin has a strong neck and legs. I love when he pushes against me and stands on his own. He is so incredibly cute (as depicted in his first photo shoot shown above/below). Ben loves to suck, so as you can guess he really likes the binky. However, Will and I try to use the binky only in emergencies like - intense cries and when we are in public or his noises in the wee hours of the morning. Will just pointed out that in 11 days our boy will be one month old. Today he had a visitor who was three months old and the size difference was amazing-- babies change so fast. So put your helmets on and join us for an amazing year!

Week One

I have never been so fulfilled in my life. I never knew having Benjamin would bring so much joy/love into my life. If I had one word to describe the birth of our son it would be gratitude, for such a priceless gift. I am so excited to raise this child. Will is such an amazing father and has been very supportive of the ups and downs associated with that first week/month of the baby's life.

So some of the ups have been -- my little boy loves to snuggle. He doesn't fuss when we hold him close and he only cries when he needs something.You won't believe it but he did not even cry during his circumcision. He is very healthy and really interactive. My sister says he is advanced the way he can bring his hand to his mouth whenever he pleases. Ben is a pro at nursing. He  latches well and eats often.

A cute thing he did this week was he got hold of his hair and was pulling it hard and screaming for dear life. I couldn't get him to loosen his grip. It was soo cute. We've already found our first great deal on huggies diapers and ran out yesterday to stock up. It seems as he goes through 40 diapers a week-- lots and lots.

Some of the downs- the first four days of Benjamin's life I had an average of three hours of sleep a night. Sitting, standing and feeding the baby were quite painful.  By day three when I had to venture to the pediatrician without my husband by my side I was beside myself. My poor mother took the brunt of my fuss and worry. She was going to take me to the doctor but as she began the trip she was promptly ordered back to the driveway so I could drive and assure Benjamin of a safe trip.

Since hour one this kid has been showered with visitors. I have entertained visitors, about three sets a day, for the last week and a half. It's a little overwhelming.  My house is a mess, and generally when visitors come I am either nursing, on the verge of tears or just plain exhausted. I told Will we need to cut down on family and friends -- so if you get a letter of resignation from me in the mail don't be offended- it's not personal it's just business. (Just kidding if you are reading this blog you are likely one of the few whom I actually want to see ;).

Well my little snuggle buns (Ben is going to love that nickname when he reads it when he is older) is starting to wiggle out of his sleep/nap. I best be off.