When I see you smile

Crack of dawn, a few hours sleep and a nice bed. Then comes the noise and I know it's time again. Eyes open, then close and open again. I roll out of bed and into the next room. The light on and my little man bright eyed- breaks into a smile…

Here is the youtube link for anyone who doesn't have quicktime. It is also a much better video quality. 
 
Benji is at the cutest stage right now. Where ever I go in the room his eyes follow me. He smiles when prompted, sometimes, and is sleeping longer at night. This mom business is wonderful. I should have tried it years ago ;) While wonderful, I admit to feeling a little confused about my identity, my value as a part of the whole-- world that is. Before having Benji my accomplishments were more measurable and visible. Now my accomplishments are based on how many hours in a row Ben sleeps or if I change his diaper right before he messes in it or right after. I am at the beginning of a process of redefining myself from a professional business type woman to a mom in sweat pants. Actually, I imagine there is a world in the middle of the two "types of women." A happy medium-- a world devoted to family and also measurable self improvement. Join me in my journey-- I'm sure this is the beginning of many blogs to come on this topic.

Take Care,

Summer

Taking Responsibility

There comes a time in every person's life where they have to make a decision… to get out of bed before noon. That decision came for me the last few weeks.  I thought I could sleep off my son's night time energy by making it up in the morning. Come to find out my "sleeping in" habits only made the situation worse- go figure.  Below I have an exhibit. You may think that it is two newborns…. but your wrong. What you are really looking at is a newborn who is some mother's third child and a newborn who is some mother's first child.  One that is well behaved when placed on the floor or in a crib and the other that thinks the world is at an end cause mom is not holding him.  Now I am not pointing any fingers but I think newborn number two needs a new mom ;} or at least has to be reallll patient with the mom he's got. I've decided the hardest part of this new mommy thing is knowing nothing. Ok not nothing but really little. Meanwhile, my little Ben is trying so hard to show me the ropes and some days I am hanging onto bedsheets instead. I assume that he is the right kid for the job and somehow Heavenly Father knows our "first children" can and will survive our lack of parenting skills. (It makes sense now why the fourth child always turns out soooo well. I mean think of all that practice their mothers/fathers got).

The latest and greatest on Ben. He is SMILING!!! He just melts my heart, he smiles more and more and more everyday.  Along with the increase twinkle in his eyes, he is also coooing. The miniature human sounds are sooo cute! I have moved Ben up to size one diapers. He probably could still fit into the newborn diapers but he also fits the size one diaper, so size one it is. Below are pictures we took up behind Weber State University at Beus park. It was an amazing fall evening.

I want to say one more thing about taking responsibility-- one that is totally unrelated to Baby Ben.  It is related to watching the things we say. The power of words to wound or heal. In the scriptures you read about "the word" having more power than the sword.  I think it is because words are more eternal in nature. They have to do with not only our physical but spiritual selves. I have been of the opinion that it is ok to express yourself. It is ok to say what you feel.  I still hold to that opinion but now it has a caveat. It is ok to express yourself as long as it is not hurting someone else. If it does hurt someone else-- than perhaps it should be restated or not stated at all. I believe we should lift and not let down. And while I would never physically "harm" some person do I ever emotionally "harm?" I feel like I have, and even recently. For this I am sorry. If you happen to be someone I have hurt with my words and are reading this-- again I am sorry. While words - like daggers can create a world of hurt, they can also heal a broken heart. So I am vowing to take responsibility to watch my words that they are used to strengthen and not attack.

Holy Plumperness

It happened right before my eyes... or during a nap or something. I picked up Ben in the middle of the night last night and he felt more solid. He had more meat on him.  I just hugged him all morning to be sure that it was true, that my little boy was indeed expanding. I know most of you will laugh and think that he is still very little compared to what he will be in the months to come, but it was my first realization that my newborn will not be a newborn forever. In fact he will only be a newborn for a week or two more. Crazy!  I keep staring into his dark grey eyes to see if I can see a hint of what is to come --- Blue or Brown. I watch his hair in anticipation for the brown to fade out and the blonde to phase in. He is covered in baby acne as of late. I have applied Stridex pimple cream all over his face and arms and legs, but it doesn't seem to help (I'm kidding for those of you who may be horrified about that last sentence).

O speaking of sleeping, anyone have any lately. I walk around in my PJ's half the morning trying to convince Ben to "please give me one more nap. just one more nap." I called my friend last week and said "Rae, he won't let me put him down without crying." She gave me some solutions and said something about making sure I put him down before he falls asleep so he doesn't learn to fall asleep only in my arms. "WHY didn't you tell me that a month and a half ago!" I retorted. She said she'd figured I had read it in the five or so books I had been reading before his birth. I thought back to those days O so long ago and sure enough I found the information shoved away on a shelf in my noggen. My brain's reference library isn't working lately, all I can think about is sleep and when the last time I changed Benjamin was. Really though since my revelation last week Ben is doing much better at preferring his crib to my arms. I still have the crib beat but he at least likes his own bed a little more this week, which means more bed-time for me!

What else. O yeah you know something else I knew I knew but forgot until I remembered? This past sunday things were going smoothly. I stepped out of class and into the mothers feeding room 25 minutes before Sacrament meeting. Plenty of time to feed and change the kid. Well I was wrapping up the feeding with five minutes to go when classes got out. People rushing in and out of the bathroom, two mothers in line for the baby glider and I am furiously changing Ben out of his dirty diaper to get us out in time for Sacrament meeting. That is when it happened. The rainbow effect.  All over his beautiful sunday outfit, the chair and me of course. I knew I should have kept him covered. Madly, I'm cleaning him and wiping the chair off, apologizing to the next mother in line to sit where he had just went. Luckily I had another outfit for him to change into, unfortunately it was plain old Pajamas-- PJ's  who wants to show off their newborn to his new ward in PJ's instead of those custom made miniature clothes for little people that just make you melt. PJ's. I'm still a little sore about that one. Well long story short we made it in time for sacrament meeting but not in enough time to be the only person walking in with a baby in PJ's while the entire congregation sat singing the opening hymn and watching us thinking "why is he wearing THAT to church?" We should have thrown her two showers.

OK so Benji is just about done with his 8th meal for the day (I was about to say dinner, but that wouldn't be accurate, because dinner is typically only the 3rd meal of the day). I hope all is well with you. Enjoy the pics of my little chubbler, O and his cute littlenesses in a Halloween pumpkin outfit.

Summer

Ya gotta love the newborn pouty faces. They are the BEST!