All I want for Christmas...

All Will really wants for Christmas is a walking baby boy.  He set that tentative date in his mind in hopes for a Christmas miracle and last week he started hanging up those hopes when what to ones wondering eyes should appear - santa and 12 tiny reindeer - O I mean, Ben's has taken his first steps! Will also walked in on Ben watching signing times yesterday and instead of sitting on his chair Ben was standing in the middle of the room. It's been soo much fun to watch our little elf progress onto his daddy's Christmas miracle :)

Another notable moment was when I was stalling Ben from pulling us out of bed one morning, by showing him flash cards on the phone, and I couldn't believe how much he understood.  Every time he saw a card that he knew the sign for he would use his signs. Ever time he saw a body part he would point to that part-- eyes, ears, hands, feet... I know Ben understands a lot more than he can really communicate and the entire process just blows me away.

All I want for Christmas- I already have. Will and Ben have managed to already bring me the best Christmas I could ask for. You can never really forget the 12 years spent as a "young single adult" --the tears/fears/Independence and great friendship. But now to move onto creating a family. I could hold my two boys forever. There is nothing better than being Will's wife and Ben's mom.  My Christmas miracle is smiling me in the face everyday, and I will forever be grateful.

Don't wanna miss

The last few weeks have been some to write about. I wish I could say they were filled with holly berries and tinsel, but they weren't.  It seems as if every minute Will wasn't out cutting up trees and fences from the crazy hurricane wind storm we had here, we were in bed sick.  In fact Will and I both slept most the day on his birthday a couple a days ago sick with two totally different viruses. Minus a few good health days, we've been down for the count since Thanksgiving. I spent a little time upset at the situation-- but then it just made my headache worse.  So I've been soaking in the days in bed listening to my cute little prince rumage in the medince cabinets and tuperware drawer.

I hope our bad health days are done now. I look forward to actually getting some cleaning done and looking for presents for Will. To bring you up to date. We're all moved in now-- and have a couple of boxes left to unpack, but are pretty much settled. We haven't heard back on Will's Ohio interview-- but I have come to peace with whatever the outcome there.

Ben is doing new things all the time. In fact in the time it took to write the last few paragraphs Ben learned how to turn his walker around. He is wandering through the house squealing with pleasure over the whole event. He says "Da Da," "Ma Ma," "No," and "more" consitently now, and mimics other words.  Hubby is still hoping for a Christmas miracle-- that Ben will take his first few steps on his own. I was shooting for him being potty trained for my Christmas miracle--- but I guess I'll take walking too. Ben shows more interest in reading all the time. And he continues to forget that he has parents whenever his friends are around. Not even a needy-- "give me food look." He just steals the food off of whatever his older cousins had gathered for themselves. His fetishes are hats and gloves, if those are missing than it is not uncommon to see him scooting around the house with shoes on his hands and a carrot balanced on his head. I love Ben with all my heart and I love his dad even more. It's good to be back in Bountiful.

Summer

p.s. Yes this is what it looks like, dad tearing up the front yard to show the grandkids a good time on a tarp. Ben loved every minute of it.

A book

If I were going to write a book about my experiences, or about Will's recovery-- what angle would I take?  That you never know how hard something is until you go through it yourself? That we take for granted our health/prosperity-- until the lack of these is staring you in the face day after day for years?

Will interviewed at a PA school a couple of weeks ago. I'm worried we'll get yet another rejection letter instead of the later. This worry is compounded with, we've moved out of my parent's basement and are attempting to short sale my condo.  I don't have any idea what our future holds.  I dream of the day it holds a three to four bedroom home in a good neighborhood -- where my hubby goes to work everyday and I stay home raising our children. The battle for me right now is to keep fear from eating me up. So I think in the book there will be a chapter about the reality of fear, loss and rejection.... but it won't be the theme.

The theme would be about stepping up to the plate an being kind to others--- about never taking your loved ones for granted. It would be about faith in the place of fear--and this lesson would be inspired by my husband who is the front man in this whole experience.  The one who had the stroke, and who never gives up.

Month 13

It’s almost month 13 of Ben’s life. Currently he is standing and walking around furniture—with the help of those structures of course. He has this new habit of screaming very loudly every time he wants something… This can be very annoying when I’m in an enclosed space (like a car) because his voice echos off the walls and back into my eardrums at a higher velocity than it was sent out.  I really do worry about permanent hearing loss as a result of his outbursts.  I have to say though despite injury to my person it is so cute to watch his feet point his fists tighten and his face go red every time he screams.  It reminds me of myself in fact, except for instead of screaming - I cried, and after I lost all the air I could muster my body gave in and I fainted into a pile on the floor, where I promptly and inconveniently wet my pants….  So lets hope he doesn’t get too much of his moms determination. 

Besides his cute and not so cute tantrums I still have a very affectionate baby. One who loves hugs and kisses and is open and giving to anyone who would accept his love.  His scoot is still as silly as ever, yesterday one of my friends compared it to that of a monkey, swinging his little body forward with one arm.  I imagine his left arm is considerably stronger than his right, due to this continuous movement.  He loves to take off and put things on. His socks, a hat, a banana…. Yep he loves putting his food in his hair once he is done with putting it in his mouth.  You’d be amazed at how great food works as a substitute for hair gel ;) Well as far as his eye color, it is definetly green with a hint of brown! I love it!  And while he still predominately looks like a Clarke, his eyes and calcic in his hair are definitely Blackhurst.  Well my little napper (see below) is starting to show signs of awaking, so until next time—keep your hands and feet inside at all times—it’ s going to be a bumpy ride.

Sometimes

Every once in awhile I want to write about something that causes me to pause and wait.  Not sure what to think, not sure when to make a decision. I look around my tiny cluttered apartment… safe from grown up responsibility (only not really).  I can use mom's bread when I am out and turn up the heat without worrying it will cause greater expense. But down in my apartment I know we’re really carving out what will someday be our future.  This interim time - won’t last forever, despite how Will sometimes feels about never moving on and having roadblocks at every corner. At some point we will need to move. Move out of Layton, and now possibly out of state. So far we have heard back from two colleges, one offered an interview and the other did not. It was U of U that did not offer an interview, and a school in Ohio that did.  

I don’t fly by the seat of my pants well… but I have been forced to do so since marrying Will. Our marriage led to strong feelings to start a family, which in return led to quitting my job and putting all my faith in Will’s recovery.  I know that the decisions we have made so far are in accordance with the Lord’s will. And mostly it is the peace I feel – living with these decisions - that move me forward… Praying that somehow the way will be provided for Will to get back into school and or a job.  In the meantime, looking at Ben and wanting the best future I can possibly provide for him. I would scale any mountain to give him that. I know Will would too. For now, however, instead of scaling we are watching and waiting- hoping that we will get our chance. 

Ten things I love about Ben

OK I decided it was high time I wrote a real birthday post about my little Benny. I'm done sulking ;)

Starting from number 10:

10- I love his morning squeals and baby noises-- his voice is much more pleasant to wake up to than the sound of a blaring alarm
9- I love the way he knocks over the dirty diaper pail and plays with the materials therein -- until he looks around to see he has been caught at which time he screams and hands the discarded diaper my way
8- I love the way he is unafraid to scale the stairs and slide down them
7- I love that he will sit on anyone's lap--- stranger danger has never been in his vocabulary
6- I love when he is done eating he takes the rest of his dinner and disposes it on the floor one piece at a time
5- I love that he loves babies
4- I love his silly little scoot
3- I love that when I ask him to give me a hug or a kiss he actually does it
2- I love his smile- with a dimple (I never expected a baby of mine would have one of these)
1- I love the way he loves- it's so pure and sweet

Summer

ps Will said he loves the way Ben doesn't wake him up in the middle of the night (the rascal ;)

pps how come no one told me I spelled weird wrong in the title of my last post?

Is it wierd...

...that I am sad? Ben is one years old today and thinking of my baby over the past few days I've had a heavy heart. There is nothing quite like bringing a new baby into the world and than, in what seems just a few days, watching him tower over other babies and mimic toddlers... I miss my baby. I know I should be writing about Ben today and how cute he has been with his birthday cakes and parties. But I am feeling too much like a mother right now... a lost one. I don't know if I'm ready to move on. I thought that I would love having the freedom that came from weaning Ben... instead I just miss that time we had together (O and WOW it hurts).  I know anyone with multiple children reading this post must think me a ninnie... But I think I'll be a ninnie for just a few more days and than move onward and upward (as if I had a choice in stopping the aging process). Really though, Ben's birthday was perfect. He was soo cute with everything!!! Below are the pics from Ben's Elephant party...

 Ben's Birthday Party with his Cousins

 Ben is doing great job lately at scaring me to death on his first efforts sliding down the stairs

 The answer to your burning questions:  Yes the cake did take a while to make and no the head is not made out of a cake mix...

Ben's gift from our friend Katie and Lucy and Ella

ps Ben's four top teeth joined his two bottom teeth this past week.

Motherhood

You know that post I wrote right after Ben was born about entering a world I never knew-- a world where every cry was a call to action. It's been close to a year now since that world began.  My world is no longer my own. Even if I wanted it to be, it is not possible-- I'm not complaining-- I'm just saying things are different when your a mom (I know earth shattering).  Well since we have verified the existence of an alternate universe (pre-mom, post-mom)  I want to bring you into my world for a moment-- so you can catch a glimpse of the journey I am on. My every step now a days is strategically placed to avoid a toy or cup that Ben has put on the ground in my path. I find the cutest things in the weirdest places-- my iPhone cord on the kitchen floor, the book "Are you my mother" at the foot of my bed, Ben's dinner below his high chair (OK I know that is not a weird place for it, but still how goofy), his favorite car under my bed, and so on...

Now let me introduce you to another funny developmental step that happens when a child starts sprouting teeth... for you men reading (which I assume there is none) don't blush too much. They chew on things they are not supposed to. Ben now has two bottom teeth and one and a half top teeth. As of today, I've made a decision. I am weaning my child-- it has become too painful ;)

Finally, Ben's scoot is proving to be a little nerve racking. For instead of pulling himself up and down stairs from with his belly pointing downward, he lifts his legs and than scuffles up (see movie below).  This would be all fine and dandy except by the time he has lifted himself up the step he is balancing precariously on the step edge with one leg on and one leg in the air....

To end this post I have to bring you into one last part of the experience of motherhood... When Ben smiles and wraps his tiny arms around my neck I am complete.  I love him more than I ever thought possible. I would give my life for him a hundred times over. What a blessing it is to be a mother.

Predictions

I want to try something, just for fun. I want to try to articulate some of Ben's personality traits now and than project them into the future. I want to guess what he is going to be like when he grows up.... of course we won't know for years if I am right but lets give this a go.... Lets start with some more obvious ones... Ben loves people. He is always entertained with children and does not shy or push away from hugs. I think this means that he will be easy to get along with, sociable, and be able to express deeper emotions-- allowing people close to him.

Ben does not like dogs, splash parks, laying on his stomach, and being startled. I think this means he likes predictablity. He will not be a "fly by the seat of his pants" type of kid. He will think through things before he does them and he will do the things that are within his comfort zone... not to be persuaded out of his comfort zone easily.

Ben loves to put things "together" he has a tupperware and aquafor container that he loves to put together take a part and then put back together again. I think he could spend a good hour on this task alone.  This tells me a couple of things... he is determined, has a good attention span for a baby, and he likes order. He is also very mellow. I think this could mean he will be smart and analytical and easy going. Just like his dad.

Lets end with his eye color. I can't decide what he will list on his drivers license but I'll take a guess and say blue--- what do you think?

Scooter

I've been smiling all week. Well since Sunday that is.  I had suspected that Ben would skip crawling and move onto scooting but it wasn't til Sunday during Sunday School that my suspicion was confirmed. He crept toward a purse of a unsuspecting class participant.  I knew he had his eye on it but I also knew he only had a few moments of want before he gave up cause he knew he couldn't move-- Instead, this time he could. Off he went to break into the purse. Halfway across the room, however he gave up in the middle of the stroll cause he found a chair of interest-- but he moved nonetheless. His burst of scooting has only lent itself to more mobility the past few days.  It is so fun to be in the bathroom doing my makeup-- and than seeing the door close on me, followed with some baby garble. He follows me whereever I go. I love it!!!

My little sis has complained that it means he doesn't want to be held as much but I'm still doing cartwheels over the whole affair. Other developments worthy of mention are he waves, claps and talks more often. This mom thing is so rewarding. To see him change and grow and develop right before my eyes-- I had no idea how exciting that is!

Summer

Below are recent adventures in the life of Ben

Charly bit me...

Alright. I admit it. I've neglected my blog. It's getting dusty in here. Who knows how many people will read this post. You may have all given up on me already....but for those few faithful's I still write.

So here is the deal-i-o.  My little boy is growing up --- I know I've said that before but this time I have evidence.... it's on my arm in the form of a welt. Ben bit me. He really really bit me. Who knew you could bite someone with only one punny tooth in the middle of a massive wave of gums and slobber. So there you have it Ben is teething. It all started about two months ago, druel and sqwacks and then a month later--- May 2011 -- a little white tooth started to show it's head in his bottom gums.

Next Ben is starting to show signs of becoming a doctor.  He analyzes his binki and then stows it away in the cutest places. Boxes, toys, below his chair, etc...  how does this have anything to do with being a doctor you say...Well doctors analyze and stow binki's in their spare time, just like Ben. There you have it. Dr. Ben it is.

Well I have lots of things to do right now so I'll end by saying Will and I finally graduated into full fledged desparate parents. Two weeks ago Ben was sick, and I was sick. It had been a week of little sleep and no naps. And then at 11 pm he woke up again-- three hours later I was besides myself-- I woke Will up and we decided to drive Ben to sleep. Half asleep I am sure we were a danger on the road -- swerveing to and fro... But to sleep Ben went and after 30 minutes we returned home to our beds. Will was so tired he forgot to take out his contacts. But in the end our plan worked.  Ben slept in his car seat til morning.


Summer

Signs of development--- great balance

Extraordinary music skills

And he is even teaching his cousin to drive

Strong & Mild

At this juncture in Ben's development I think I'll choose these two words. Ben is strong. He is moving around with greater ease.  Still not crawling yet but he can roll himself a few feet and he sits up without any help.  When he does fall, it is usually for a purpose. To reach something or to roll to something. He continues to dislike any tummy time. We put him on his belly he puts himself on his back right away. I can't wait to see what he decides to do when it comes to getting on two knees --- as he refuses to use them yet.   I hope the following pictures will tell his story. He is growing and growing and growing.

As far as mild.  If he makes a little noise I know something is wrong--- he is hungry or tired. He is very mild the rest of the time. Occasionally clapping his hands together to express excitement or gurgling his excess saliva for entertainment. Now I have two calm's in my storm.  I really appreciate Ben and his dad, they are such calming influences to me.

Speaking of storms I want to talk a minute about my personal storm. I am trying to keep up with finding funding for Will to go back to school to become a Physicians Assistant. I spend hours on the phone trying to get people on board to help him out. And when I finally do get the funding then I will have to figure out how to stay afloat financially for another couple of years without him getting a job. NO small feet when you're also trying to grow a family.  I don't suspect that I am the first to do the math and think-- this is virtually impossible-- especially if I want to stay home with my children. But I know I won't be the last, to make it through.  The Lord is blessing us and I am grateful. We'll keep praying and moving forward. And somehow, I know, this storm will pass.

Ps  I am getting into Fondant cakes… below is my first shot at doing one for a baby shower...

Fingernails & Hair Pulling

Even if they are completely clipped, Ben's fingernails are still doing some serious damage to my person lately.  First off he loves to gouge his little fingertips into my cheeks and the back of my arms, and lately he has been picking at my nose. He also loves getting a good tug at my long luscious blonde hair. I vaguely remember some of my nieces/nephews having gone through grabbing stages... but do all children leave their mothers so bald and scarred ;) His cousins have discovered his new talent as well:

No worries Ben if you're reading/watching this-- your urges to grab on tight are greatly appreciated-- I hope to hold you tight for as long as I can.  

As for the rest of his little babyness... he is stronger than ever.  He sits up great, and rolls over if he wants to. He is thinking about getting up on his knees but hasn't quite figured it out yet. He does hold himself up on his arms.  He just started laughing at the peek a boo thing lately... I'll see if I can get you some footage of that. He is eating fruits and veggies. His favorite is strawberry's but I have been told he isn't supposed to have that yet so hopefully I haven't ruined him :)  Lastly, no teeth yet, despite the constant requests from his father.

Benny Boy's six month stats

He is doing it.  He is growing up right before my eyes. He is now officially twice as old as he was three months ago! I reported most of his milestones in the last post called "milestones"  so today I will give you some stats and a brief story.  He is 26.5 inches long which puts him in the 52 percentile. He is 17.5 pounds - 46 percentile, and his head is in the 83rd percentile measuring 17.75 inches around.  So a few months ago-- he was more like his dad -- tall and thinner. Now he is more like his mom- a big head. My final guess is though, that he will be more like his dad. He yelped once for his shots this morning. ONCE.  I think I would have made much more of a scene of three needles going into my thigh at that age.

Now let me think of a story..... hmmmm..... OK so there I was, trying as hard as I could to be the favorite mom (enter stage left grandma Clarke). Then Ben's hands reaching to her, gma snatches him from my clutches without so much as a glance back for his mother. And so I'll end this sad tale by saying... It was the best of times it was the worst of times it was the age of moms it was the age of grandmas.  The end

Love,

Summer

ps Becca is having a baby girl in May, Leisha is having a baby boy in August and Cami is having a baby girl in August-- Ben can't wait for his new cousins!

Developmental milestones

I was across the room. Mom was on the other side with Ben. She was helping him sit up. All well and dandy until she gets distracted. She darted upstairs to do who knows what and there he was. My little Ben without side to side and front support.  Just air and ground. I wasn't quick enough. He face planted. The event came without screams or crying, just a face plant, so I forgave my mother.  That was a week ago. This week, however, my fear of face plants is greatly decreased. Ben is sitting on his own!  A week before his six month birthday and he sits up without help for extended periods of time!

Another developmental milestone is his faster than lightning reflexes. One minute the bowl filled with cereal and milk are on the counter the next it is not. He grabs our food faster than we can pull it away from him. He has already successfully ruined a few peoples meals. I am sooo proud. 

About three weeks ago something else happened that had not before occurred. I was voted the favorite parent. It was hard for me to break the news to Will but he took it OK for being in the position that he was-- you know being the lesser favorite of the two of us.  Now you ask for evidence. Ben clearly stated Ma Ma after one of his naps the other day. I knew it, I knew it, -- and why shouldn't I be the favorite parent, I change his diapers most of the time I wake up with him in the middle of the night I wipe his runny nose. Anyways I better put an end to this paragraph I would hate for anyone to figure out that babies are just working on their vowels and whether they articulate with a Da or Ma it doesn't really matter.

Last but not least Ben is not a great roller. He can roll front to back and back to front, but usually doesn't. No matter how many times I put those toys barely out of his reach he does not budge, unless he wants to.  So I guess he'll have to stay a baby forever, I don't mind ;) 

Love,

Summer

Things I love about Ben:

He is Super...


He is laid back...


He is great with kids….


And he has a seriously good looking dad...