Working hard isn't so bad

I've got to quote these kids! They say the cutest things....

Lets start with James-- I'm standing in the bathroom and he jumps into the doorway and says "I'm ninja James!!!"  He was so cute I told the story a couple times to friends and since then he requests I tell the story all the time. He also likes to make up songs and dance for whoever will give him an audience. He loves legos and is the friendliest little tyke this side of the Mississippi. He started preschool last week and I miss him just thinking about it. He went last year too but this year he is gone the same time Madison is gone I'm kind of like a lost puppy right now. I'll end with one more quote from James- we were talking about what fires can burn and Ben and James were shouting out things like houses, metal, and then James said what about a whale under water??? -- Touche!

Ben is a wiz at math and it takes him only seconds to catch up with adult conversations... for example he wanted the run down on hurricanes and how water in houses hurt the walls-- we explained the molding process and how you have to knock out walls if your house is flooded too much. He actually sometimes knows more than I do ... do you know anything about the lemurs of Madagascar?? I don't but Ben can tell you all about them. He also likes to talk about things like inertia and gravity and stuff... This kid is smart as a whip! My favorite is when he gives his brother and sister character lectures-- "James it isn't appropriate for you to hurt CC she is a girl and you have to be so nice to girls..." and then continue that conversation for 23 more minutes straight.

Madison is my most quotable kid right now... She screams and cries and when we don't give her attention for the spectacles she'll say- "momma I'm crying," "Mom I"m upset" "Mom I'm sad" and then she continues the conversation to say "I'm being brave" "I'm not crying anymore." She also makes up stuff like - putting on a dress and calling herself by the latest disney princes "I'm Moana" or "I'm Ana!" my favorite was today she said "I'm an Ana baby, not a Mater baby (Popular talking truck in Cars)." I've also recently learned a few tricks about my little girl. She doesn't always show remorse when she hurts someone, but she instantly launches into a temper tantrum about something else. I guess she gets mad instead of sad...  Last thing, Maddy is in preschool- I wasn't planning on putting her there, but wanted to work on getting her to talk more cause she was quiet quite a bit. She seems to be more talkative now, so we shall see how the year goes. 

Will and I are pretty much running ALL THE TIME.  I'm really busy with work and the kids with three different school schedules and Will is busy with work and school. I have minutes where I imagine my life with just being a mom, no work and it seems like it would be great but then I also think I might be stir crazy... I try not to come up with what if things were different with Will and his job scenarios because at the end of the day - I couldn't ask for a better husband or more flexible stay at home job. I feel so so blessed.  I'm also a beehive advisor and I'm thinking sometimes I'm more rambunctious than those 12 year olds! I guess they bring the silly out in me. Love the calling but it is a tad crazy with my already crazy schedule. "You've got this Summer" that what I have to think so I don't crumble in on myself ;)

I hope alls well with all of you!

Sincerely,

Summer

 Trip to Bear Lake Over Labor Day with the Jarom Blackhurst Family

 Ben's first day of 1st grade

 Boys new bed

James and Maddy first day of different preschools (James in Layton, Maddy in Kaysville)

James turned 5 years old seven days after the kindergarten deadline

Life Continues

So much to say so little time... But I should say more, because it's been so many months since my recent musings of my Blackhurst clan.... I'm assuming my absence has to do with more time spent working. I've done that a bunch more in the last few months... I have been working with a youtuber, making music videos for causes and have had a bunch of fun learning about marketing videos and etc... and teaming with non profits. I've also recently started doing some medical writing for IHC, and still do some parenting blogging for Go Au Pair. I'm not sure how I'll keep doing it all though with Will going back to school for the next six months-- I can't wait to read my next journal entry to see if I survive... AKA working and being a good mom. And anytime Will is schooling. I'm missing him like crazy and get stir crazy with the kiddies - so heres hoping I make it.

Ben is growing right before my eyes. He reads better all the time, he is making more friends and hanging out more with kids in the neighborhood. We're embarking on that whole new world of parenting to find the balance of friends and family and good outside influences and avoiding bad outside influences- sometimes the lines aren't always clear so this is all unnerving.  Ben loves his dog Skips and would really love a puppy. Ben also loves Pokemon and picking on his little brother.

James is a hoot. The family comedian to say the least. The kid is always teasing and laughing. He's my smiley guy. Today James primary teacher and I agreed on one thing about him- he does not like to wear shoes. Wherever he goes the first thing he does is take them off. It makes me CRAZY! James is really easy to get along with - he generally hangs out with any kid that will give him attention and I think most kids are happy to jump on his bandwagon. He has a very soft heart. You raise your voice at him and the tears fall like rain. James starts his second year of preschool in the fall. His first year he was one of 12 boys so that was a pretty crazy class. I think he loved it though. I'm hoping for more girls this next year ;)

Madison - you know how you see the best and worst in yourself - in your kids? Well she is determined. She knows what she wants and doesn't stop until she gets it. The flip side is her tantrums are crazy dramatic and she lets you know when she isn't happy with you (sounding familiar yet ;)  It's Will- just kidding that ones me :) Maddy's burn wounds have healed more as has my heart. I feel more confident all the time that she will see her scars as a way to connect with others in similar situations and build people who feel inadequate. Instead of letting them define her for bad. I hope she knows how beautiful she is and how beautiful all of our scars are both visible and hidden. They are a testament to resilience and overcoming trials. I love this little girl with all my heart. I wish I could give her a sister- but for now I will just pray that she finds "sisters" throughout her life in the gospel and community.  She is a wonderful wonderful girl.

As for Will and I you got my sob story at the top so I'll end with Will. He continues to be my rock. The man I love and admire more everyday. He is in a new job- at the U- doing medical coding. He says it's more interesting than the last job. I hope hope hope we can someday find him some job that will be just as satisfying for him as being a doctor was... I'm grateful for how far he has come. I am so proud of the man he is and how much his "scars" have taught him.

I better leave you now- to hit the hay. Fight the good fight!

Wish us luck. We love you!

Summer

East coast and back

How fast can I spin out one of these journal entries for my kiddies and Will and I--- lets see...

Benjamin - He has labeled himself the quiet kid at school and after some follow up questions with his teacher she would say that is a pretty accurate description. I know what your thinking- is this my kid!!!!! How is that genetically possible! I've spent plenty of time this year fussing and worrying that he won't have any friends as a result, but every time this kid does open his mouth he is articulate and interesting and kind. I think he will do fine in school - he just needs to warm up to people a little before he really gets talking. He was the one who enthralled all of the people who had him while we were on vacation in the east this past week. He kept all of the aunts and uncles up on his routines and entertained with his intellectual discussions. O and here he is without his two front teeth...which the tooth fairy was about two days late delivering the cash goods and Ben asked us incessantly to text the fairy and remind her.

James - he is hardly a baby at all anymore. He and Ben are starting to play really well together now that they can both talk and say what they need and want. I wish I could say that meant that Ben no longer picks on him but alas scratches on his face that were placed there just this morning would indicate that we are still not over that hurdle. James is a go-with-the-flow type of guy. He is talkative and can pretend play with boys and girls alike. He is a half a year away from being 5 years old but is already fitting into 5t clothes. I'm sorta sad this kid won't start kindergarten this year because he misses the deadline by 7 days. I feel like he is ready to go, but hopefully we can still make it a great year for him. He will be going to preschool three days a week instead of two days a week this next year.

Maddy is starting in on repeating things over and over. Tonight she wanted us to know that she was human. Over and over she said to us "Madison is people" I am people" I am people" I am people." I'm in a kind of watch and see position with her- she isn't a talker but I don't know if that is a speech delay or a Madison thing... we shall see.  So this baby girl of mine is driving me up a wall lately. The tantrums are getting worse headed into the threes instead of better. She also doesn't want to potty train but also doesn't want to be in dirty diapers. So every time she has a wet or poopy diaper- she takes it off and walks around half nude until someone discovers her indiscretions. By the time we get to the discarded poopy diapers there is quite the mess to clean up on walls and around the house - YUCK!

As for me I am buckling down as of late. I"m on a crusade to rid myself of anxiety- unfortunately from all my studies and conversations with other people dealing with this- this little guy doesn't go quietly into the night! In general I can manage and track it now- where before I could not. The real challenge though is to be patient when it is happening.

As for Will and I we just got home from a week long vacation to the East to visit my brother Peter and his family and Will's brother Jon and my friend Janine. It was the perfect mental health vacation for me - I was so grateful for the time off from being a mom to figure out who I really am and especially who the new me with anxiety is. Will I think had a great time too.

Well, try as I did- I was unable to keep it short. Maybe if I could get on and journal more often I wouldn't have so much catching up to do.

I want to leave you with something profound and well thought out but I think this is my time to just be. I have to skip out really on any "public victories" that I might want and hope. For now I'm shooting for "private victories" cause I desperately need them right now....

Until next time wish me luck!

Love,

Summer

My parents took us kids out to eat to the mandarin after 

we put granite all through their house. Fun times!

A New Year

Gotta keep up these kids journal and gotta keep moving on.

I'm switching things up and starting with myself today. This past Christmas was a bear for me. A constant struggle to fight off panic attacks. I couldn't breath them away, or think them away or even predict when they were going to rear their ugly face. It was a little paralyzing. I didn't feel like I could plan anything without the worry that I might not have it all together at whatever preplanned event was coming next. I was scared and confused. My husband and I have worked side by side to try to unravel this new and unsettling "mental illness," at times during the holidays I worried I would have to gear up for a life time of living this way. But as soon as the holidays ended the stress and anxiety seemed to melt away. I hope that was my last bout with PTSD, and that I can fix it before it resurfaces again...

Kind of a downer first paragraph, but the bright side is - I have discovered weaknesses that were tucked way in a corner and being left alone without some needed purifying. I know I can do better and I  don't think any amount of ignoring my problems will get me anywhere. Head on Will and I have come up with plans on how I can improve and how he can help me, and some added bonuses of him discovering some of the ways he can change and work better with me have been unearthed. I'm hoping the best is yet to come, thanks to this grand awakening of who I really am and who I really want to be. Wish me luck!

Moving onto Ben. Tonight I did a really stupid thing. A less than considerate missionary was over wrestling with him and begging him to give him a pokemon ball from his Christmas collection. When I allowed the missionary to walk off with Ben's coveted toy - my heart broke. How could I do this to my little boy. Its my job to put him first and I messed up. Sometimes I put the world before I put my Ben. Benjamin handled the situation with grace. He did not complain- he said "mom maybe we can let the missionary have it til his mission is done and then the missionary can give it back before he goes home." (Will came up with a better solution and decided to go get the ball back tomorrow). I can't tell you how many times I have been so impressed with my child. As many times as I am frustrated with his "hard to control energy" there have been twice as many times he has show wisdom beyond his years. He has shown and continues to show great emeralds of knowledge and understanding that I am just sure will really bless a lot of peoples lives as he continues to nourish this ability he has.

James is so lovable. So loving. So thoughtful. The other week we were driving in the car and I was silent. He perked up and said "mom how are you feeling?" I proceeded to tell him some of my happys and sads from the day and he continued with some follow up questions. This kid is everyones best friend- starting with me ;)

Madison is talking. She, like Ben, doesn't always have a lot to say - but when she does talk it is articulate and spot on topic (just like her dad). I was thinking I could have a fragile princess on my hands when I was told I was having a girl, but Madison is turning out to be able to hold her own against her older brothers and generally hops onto any dog pile they might be starting. She dukes it out with them and loves them deeply and on their level. The boys respect her and generally the stink gets whatever she wants from either them...

Will continues to be my dream come true. He is so gentle and kind and loving towards me. He works hard and is so dedicated to me and the kids. I couldn't ask for a better husband if I would have dreamed him up myself. We're hoping this next year he will move into medical coding as a job and finish his medical information management certificate - here's to 2017!

I best be off to bed. I'll leave you with James' impromptu rapper dance and bid you good night.

Love,

Summer