Clarification

As the pain and tiredness has worn off from the first two weeks peace and contentment have settled in. The plan of salvation has become so clear to me. Having had so many years without Will and Benjamin, but seeking the blessing of a family and now having them here -- what a difference they make in my life. I thank our Heavenly Father every day for such priceless gifts.

As for motherhood, I never tire of watching Benjamin. His little movements, his expressions, his small stature, and his squinty eyes. With his whole life in front of him, I can't help but imagine him as a valiant priesthood holder. Courageous, choosing good from evil, much like Alma 13 describes.

Highlights from the past week, Benjamin has a strong neck and legs. I love when he pushes against me and stands on his own. He is so incredibly cute (as depicted in his first photo shoot shown above/below). Ben loves to suck, so as you can guess he really likes the binky. However, Will and I try to use the binky only in emergencies like - intense cries and when we are in public or his noises in the wee hours of the morning. Will just pointed out that in 11 days our boy will be one month old. Today he had a visitor who was three months old and the size difference was amazing-- babies change so fast. So put your helmets on and join us for an amazing year!

Week One

I have never been so fulfilled in my life. I never knew having Benjamin would bring so much joy/love into my life. If I had one word to describe the birth of our son it would be gratitude, for such a priceless gift. I am so excited to raise this child. Will is such an amazing father and has been very supportive of the ups and downs associated with that first week/month of the baby's life.

So some of the ups have been -- my little boy loves to snuggle. He doesn't fuss when we hold him close and he only cries when he needs something.You won't believe it but he did not even cry during his circumcision. He is very healthy and really interactive. My sister says he is advanced the way he can bring his hand to his mouth whenever he pleases. Ben is a pro at nursing. He  latches well and eats often.

A cute thing he did this week was he got hold of his hair and was pulling it hard and screaming for dear life. I couldn't get him to loosen his grip. It was soo cute. We've already found our first great deal on huggies diapers and ran out yesterday to stock up. It seems as he goes through 40 diapers a week-- lots and lots.

Some of the downs- the first four days of Benjamin's life I had an average of three hours of sleep a night. Sitting, standing and feeding the baby were quite painful.  By day three when I had to venture to the pediatrician without my husband by my side I was beside myself. My poor mother took the brunt of my fuss and worry. She was going to take me to the doctor but as she began the trip she was promptly ordered back to the driveway so I could drive and assure Benjamin of a safe trip.

Since hour one this kid has been showered with visitors. I have entertained visitors, about three sets a day, for the last week and a half. It's a little overwhelming.  My house is a mess, and generally when visitors come I am either nursing, on the verge of tears or just plain exhausted. I told Will we need to cut down on family and friends -- so if you get a letter of resignation from me in the mail don't be offended- it's not personal it's just business. (Just kidding if you are reading this blog you are likely one of the few whom I actually want to see ;).

Well my little snuggle buns (Ben is going to love that nickname when he reads it when he is older) is starting to wiggle out of his sleep/nap. I best be off.

Labor & Delivery

Shhh…. Benjamin is sleeping. I've got a minute to tell our story so wish me luck that little one doesn't wake too soon.

Friday night, September 24, 2010, was perfect. Will and I took a ride along the mountain side and enjoyed the fall colors and beautiful homes up in South Ogden then we tried a new ice cream shop nearby. The only indication that something might be different is a complete stranger at the ice cream shop said to me, "you look like you're going to pop."  I thought, huh- if someone that doesn't even know me thinks that, maybe I am close.  Well we went to bed that night and I tossed and turned a little more than usual and had a little pain. The pain went from a little to consistently every 10 minutes at 1 am, by 2 am I figured that it was too consistent to be anything other than labor. I was excited. I told Will-- but he was of course sleeping and would forget the next few minutes. I knew I had sometime before we would go to the hospital. I really wanted my house-- deeply cleaned before then, so I got out of bed and proceeded to wash and vacuum and organize. Every ten to seven minutes I would take a knee and wait for the pain to pass. By 7 am I decided it was time to wake my hubby. He of course was pleased that we were on our way to having a baby. I told him I didn't want to go to the hospital til the pain was unbearable so he started working on projects with me and we waited for more pain. I finished up packaging some spices I had dried and by then my contractions were five minutes apart, not three so I thought lets run an errand or two and then go to the hospital. Well as fate would have it the car slowed my contractions to seven minutes apart and we ended up running several errands and coming back for lunch. By lunch time my contractions were back to five minutes apart and they were unbearable-- which was a relief. I know, sounds funny.

By one o clock in the afternoon we were at the hospital. They put us in a temporary checking room and there I got the worst news of my life. After twelve hours of labor I was still a 2+ -- the exact dilation I was at in my appointment three days earlier (for you who don't know they don't usually admit you until you are at a four). I was devastated. I was in too much pain and did not want to go home. She left us there and said she'd check in on us later. Well 30 minutes later when another nurse came in I was screaming through a contraction and holding onto Will for dear life. She said, "Whoa! how long have you been like this." I just screamed. She checked me and I had gone from a 2+ to a 5+ in less than 30 minutes. They moved me to the delivery room right away (the magic baby number is 10-- once you've dilated to a 10 you're ready to push the baby out). It took another hour for the anesthesiologist to come and I was at a 7 by the time he put the epidural in. Next followed two hours of bliss just listening to my baby's heart beat. At 6 pm I had a confrontation with the doctor at telling him I did not want pitosin (a drug that creates contractions for you). At 7:02 pm Benjamin David was born, after about 10 pushes-- that took about 10 minutes.  Amidst the rush of the room all I could do was watch the table where he was being cleaned. Waiting for them to tell me he was OK. He did not scream and he did not fuss, but he scored high- his health was then and continues to be stellar. He was 7 lbs 9 ounces and 19 inches long.

As a funny side note, I had done the math in my mind. By the time I delivered the restaurant that feeds you dinner would be closed and I would have to eat some cold cuts. So about 6:45 just before I started pushing I had Will order me dinner. It was there just in time to eat warm once baby was born.

Right now I'm living in a dream. Benjamin is my life and I never tiring of being with him. His little face, his little hands, his little cries. I can't believe I am his mother. I have actually caught myself telling him "Aunt Summer will take care you." Next to Will, Benjamin is the greatest blessing I could ever hope for.

I don't know what the topic of my next entry will be, maybe the emotion, pain and at times shear hilarity of the week after the hospital. I've already had a ridiculous break down. They tell you not to mess with a pregnant mother, well that goes for a new mother too-- Wow emotions are high ;)

Thanks for reading. I'll keep you posted.

Summer

Baby Count Down

For the past few weeks Will has woken up and said-- "Thanks for not waking me in the middle of the night for a trip to the hospital." Giving birth is such a funny thing to me. I'm a walking time bomb. One minute calm and quiet permeates from my mid section, and the next a tornado of pain and anticipation. This is wild, I have to admit-- the rush before the wave hits is half the fun. Will and I often pass the crib knowing in just a few days there will be a life in there. A little life, with little hands and little cries and little poops and well you get the point-- we're having a BABY! We already of course love Wilson with everything we have and are. We would do anything to ensure his optimal happiness.

I am starting this blog as a journal for our baby and "new" family (we'll have other written journals-- but this will be our electronic one). The fun of the moments before lift off are too exciting not to share. So Here I am telling you all…….. No I have not had the baby yet. I haven't even gone up a dilation-- (I am still at a two). I have gained a few more pounds but besides that no change from one week to the next. The nurse was disappointed to hear that I wasn't in any pain. Come to find out some of the pre-signs of labor are pain. Imagine that.

Well the plot thickens. I am due next Tuesday and if I don't go before next Thursday my doctor will be out of town. I'll have to sit on Wilson until the next Monday -- at which point I may be induced. I don't think I'll opt to be induced before my doctor goes cause I want to labor and see if I can't get this guy out all on my own ;) Well sort of on my own, I hope to have a little help from an epidural in the final moments (few hours) of the labor.

Stayed tuned to the blog-- Baby's coming soon!

Christmas 2009

I thought I'd upload video on this site so you can all see the ongoings of the family. Specifically the Georgia Clarkes ;) I've also got bonus clip at Leisha's house if ya hold on that long.

I hope all is well!!!!

The Founding Fathers

Friday we drove around the Gettysburg battlefield listening to an audio retracing the soldiers steps. There were 170,000 men who fought in this three day battle, and by the weeks end 50,000 had been killed. Most of the fighting done was head to head, rifle to rifle, man to man. Many times when they would run out of ammunition they would raid the dead for more bullets to just sustain through the fight. The men who fought in these battles were sons, brothers, husbands, and fathers--- some who were fighting against their own brothers, and friends. I am not sure the average age but I imagine many of them were in their early twenties. The narrator would say "if you were standing here 140 years ago a band of confederates would be rushing at you with muskets and cannons." So as we sat in our car listening to the sounds of rifles, cannons and the cries of men-- I imagined what they must have felt charging enemy lines. Many knowing that they would not live through the day. But they still rushed to the fight. The kept moving. They didn't retreat. In the face of carnage they still fought.

We've gained amazing insight into our country's beginings this past week. Will and I visited the Lincoln memorial and saw the bigger than life statue of Lincoln. The president who led our divided country through the civil war. We then stood in the place Martin Luther King delivered his famous speech "I have a dream." We also rode to the top of the Washington Monument and looked from one side of city to another-- the Capital, the White House, the Lincoln memorial, the Jefferson Memorial (see picture above). We also visited the Library of Congress --- symbolizing our nation's earliest ideals that knowledge was power and the more one could get knowledge the more "free" they could become. The last day in Washington DC we visited the Holocaust Museum -- and while it did not have a lot to do with our nations history -- it served as another unique experience and insight into Hitler's prison term where he came up with his vision of "purifying his country" by getting rid of the Jews. With his plan in tack he rose to power through the power of media, appealing to the common people.

While this last week was phenomenal we're grateful to be back "home" relaxing with Will's sister Lizzie and Micah (see picture below). Family is chicken soup to the soul-- and like our other family visit we are eating fabulously and enjoying the presence of beautiful children and refined company. Meanwhile, we're slowing figuring out next steps. We're thinking we'll try to get me a full time job and Will a couple part time jobs while he studies for the Step three this next year. The part time jobs could be fairly simple jobs in hospitals and or community colleges teaching medical terminology.

So the following pictures are picture of a New York ward house, Oliver our new nephew, Will and I at Lizzie's place, a session at the Washington DC temple, a picture of our travels to New York where we barely escaped the jaws of one of the east coast floods, our visits to the national monuments, etc...










And a bonus video for the Blackhursts of Simon counting to a hundred ;)

Dealing with Disappointment

I haven't always been good at dealing with disappointment. In fact in the past I have failed miserably at it ;) This week has continued to be a week full of disappointments. OSU won't admit us into another 4th year of medical school, they basically said the same thing Will's residency said-- that they are not equipped to "rehabilitate" someone like Will. When we took the route of trying to find a residency that would take us -- our Ohio connections (Dr. Glascow) strongly discouraged it and said she would write a letter but thought the decision would be premature.

Now I'll back up and try to answer more questions-- so Jon B. doesn't feel left out this time ;) First off we'll let you know the remaining "stroke deficits" that are keeping Will from progressing in the professional world-- He looks tired and people take this as he is not interested. He has a slower processing speed-- that accounted for doing poorly on a medical exam in Ohio. And lastly the application of the knowledge is still recovering I'm guess because he doesn't have all his memory connections back so piecing the puzzle back together without all the pieces is too much to ask. We're confident Will is still recovering we continue to see progress in theses areas, however, for now, our world is still on hold. We'll probably be living in our Bountiful Condo for the next year and taking prep classes for Step Three (if Will passes the boards before even doing the first year of residency I'm sure they'll let him back into a residency next year). Meanwhile we're looking at possible service/medical opportunities in South America and we're both looking for jobs in Utah.

To end with, this time around the disappointment has not been so devastating-- One day I said to Will "I'm not going to mess up my make up - so no crying today. " Then a few days later when Will sensed I was getting upset and he said to me-- "don't mess up your makeup." We're learning to laugh at ourselves and we're really enjoying our time together. On top of this we feel your prayers and know that the faith of family and friends is holding us up right now.

ps As for our current travel plans, we're leaving Georgia tomorrow and going to stay with a friend in Washington DC Tuesday and Wednesday then we're going to stay with some other friends in Pennsylvania Thursday and Friday then We'll be off to New York on Saturday to stay with Lizzie for a week. Then we'll head back to Ohio to have Thanksgiving with Jon B and Peter's Family.

pps the Below pictures are our travels to Georgia, Will in front of the hospital in Kentucky were he was born, our beautiful ride through Tennessee's country roads and our fun times with the Peter Clarke Family in Georgia.








You need to know there were no animals harmed in the filming of the below clip. Also if you have a weak stomach you may not want to watch this one due to the excessive amount of animal saliva seen in the clip (see the pleasant video I posted on http://willsrecovery.blogspot.com instead )-- If you're brave enough however just know none of us saw the signs that said "keep your windows rolled up halfway" until the end of the tour -- Jessica Peter and poor Bailee baby practically had buffalo, long horns, deer, and zebra right on top of their laps. On top of the animals trying to get in the car we had an animal of our own inside the car. Throughout the safari trip Logan opened the van door with a herd of animals outside of it, he also almost crawled out the window a few times and he had one of my camera lenses hanging out the car to hand to one of the animals.