The Perfect Day

Will and I spent our anniversary at the Hotel Monaco in SLC.  My brother Ryan and his wife gave us the reservation for our Christmas present. This present actually beats out my all time favorite gift - a black mountain bike - I asked for it back when I was 10 years old and three years later I had given up hope -- than stumbing into the family room at 3 am that Christmas morning the beautiful creation was next to the tree. I was smiling for the next month. Well this years gift, of a hotel stay, will have me smiling for years. A day and a half, with just Will, we started off by wathcing MI 4, and later wandered the streets of Downtown Salt Lake, we spent our time eating way too many calories at the local resturants, and played a highly competative game of checkers at which I barely lost--- he only had about six kings left. Soooo close! We than finished up the evening with a bunch of episodes of "the Middle,"(our favorite tv show right now) and the next morning we sipped gourmet hot chocolate, while reading a pictoral book about Utah's history. I only had one real "panic moment" the entire stay away from Ben, a few hours into our trip I missed him so much I almost canceled the whole extravaganza, but I stayed strong and had the time of my life.


 

 

Speaking of Benny Boy.  He is cropping right up.  Will and I were starting to lose hope of ever having Ben take more than three steps without prompting and in the last few days he has taken five steps and even more (with prompting).  I can't believe our little angel is on his way to becoming fully mobile! He also said his first sentence last week--- it went like this "if I ever get out of this home I'm going to buy me a red rider bee bee gun".... just kidding.... He said "Go Outside!"  he loves the word "Go" and "Car" - I believe he uses those words most frequently. Will and I-- "mommy and Daddy"  are close seconds.  Now whenever he screams I can tell him to please quiet down and articulate-- and HE DOES!  It's sooo cool. Of course I don't use the word articulate-- I just tell him to ask for what he wants instead of scream ;) Below are pics of Ben in his first trip to the Zoo...We were able to reunite the little monkey with his real parents... you know the ones he learned his little arm leg scoot from...



 

 

Well I believe I've written enough about this year's Christmas to give you a good idea of it's wonderfulness. Ben did open one  present this season-- it's just too bad it wasn't his and it was a few weeks before Christmas. Besides that his cousins, parents and uncles and aunts did most of his present opening. I think if he could talk he would say his toy truck from his uncle Nate was his favorite. Well I best be off to the new year-- lots of resolutions to fill ;)

Christmas Eve at my parents

 

Guess who is older...You'll never guess ;)

All I want for Christmas...

All Will really wants for Christmas is a walking baby boy.  He set that tentative date in his mind in hopes for a Christmas miracle and last week he started hanging up those hopes when what to ones wondering eyes should appear - santa and 12 tiny reindeer - O I mean, Ben's has taken his first steps! Will also walked in on Ben watching signing times yesterday and instead of sitting on his chair Ben was standing in the middle of the room. It's been soo much fun to watch our little elf progress onto his daddy's Christmas miracle :)

Another notable moment was when I was stalling Ben from pulling us out of bed one morning, by showing him flash cards on the phone, and I couldn't believe how much he understood.  Every time he saw a card that he knew the sign for he would use his signs. Ever time he saw a body part he would point to that part-- eyes, ears, hands, feet... I know Ben understands a lot more than he can really communicate and the entire process just blows me away.

All I want for Christmas- I already have. Will and Ben have managed to already bring me the best Christmas I could ask for. You can never really forget the 12 years spent as a "young single adult" --the tears/fears/Independence and great friendship. But now to move onto creating a family. I could hold my two boys forever. There is nothing better than being Will's wife and Ben's mom.  My Christmas miracle is smiling me in the face everyday, and I will forever be grateful.

Don't wanna miss

The last few weeks have been some to write about. I wish I could say they were filled with holly berries and tinsel, but they weren't.  It seems as if every minute Will wasn't out cutting up trees and fences from the crazy hurricane wind storm we had here, we were in bed sick.  In fact Will and I both slept most the day on his birthday a couple a days ago sick with two totally different viruses. Minus a few good health days, we've been down for the count since Thanksgiving. I spent a little time upset at the situation-- but then it just made my headache worse.  So I've been soaking in the days in bed listening to my cute little prince rumage in the medince cabinets and tuperware drawer.

I hope our bad health days are done now. I look forward to actually getting some cleaning done and looking for presents for Will. To bring you up to date. We're all moved in now-- and have a couple of boxes left to unpack, but are pretty much settled. We haven't heard back on Will's Ohio interview-- but I have come to peace with whatever the outcome there.

Ben is doing new things all the time. In fact in the time it took to write the last few paragraphs Ben learned how to turn his walker around. He is wandering through the house squealing with pleasure over the whole event. He says "Da Da," "Ma Ma," "No," and "more" consitently now, and mimics other words.  Hubby is still hoping for a Christmas miracle-- that Ben will take his first few steps on his own. I was shooting for him being potty trained for my Christmas miracle--- but I guess I'll take walking too. Ben shows more interest in reading all the time. And he continues to forget that he has parents whenever his friends are around. Not even a needy-- "give me food look." He just steals the food off of whatever his older cousins had gathered for themselves. His fetishes are hats and gloves, if those are missing than it is not uncommon to see him scooting around the house with shoes on his hands and a carrot balanced on his head. I love Ben with all my heart and I love his dad even more. It's good to be back in Bountiful.

Summer

p.s. Yes this is what it looks like, dad tearing up the front yard to show the grandkids a good time on a tarp. Ben loved every minute of it.

A book

If I were going to write a book about my experiences, or about Will's recovery-- what angle would I take?  That you never know how hard something is until you go through it yourself? That we take for granted our health/prosperity-- until the lack of these is staring you in the face day after day for years?

Will interviewed at a PA school a couple of weeks ago. I'm worried we'll get yet another rejection letter instead of the later. This worry is compounded with, we've moved out of my parent's basement and are attempting to short sale my condo.  I don't have any idea what our future holds.  I dream of the day it holds a three to four bedroom home in a good neighborhood -- where my hubby goes to work everyday and I stay home raising our children. The battle for me right now is to keep fear from eating me up. So I think in the book there will be a chapter about the reality of fear, loss and rejection.... but it won't be the theme.

The theme would be about stepping up to the plate an being kind to others--- about never taking your loved ones for granted. It would be about faith in the place of fear--and this lesson would be inspired by my husband who is the front man in this whole experience.  The one who had the stroke, and who never gives up.

Month 13

It’s almost month 13 of Ben’s life. Currently he is standing and walking around furniture—with the help of those structures of course. He has this new habit of screaming very loudly every time he wants something… This can be very annoying when I’m in an enclosed space (like a car) because his voice echos off the walls and back into my eardrums at a higher velocity than it was sent out.  I really do worry about permanent hearing loss as a result of his outbursts.  I have to say though despite injury to my person it is so cute to watch his feet point his fists tighten and his face go red every time he screams.  It reminds me of myself in fact, except for instead of screaming - I cried, and after I lost all the air I could muster my body gave in and I fainted into a pile on the floor, where I promptly and inconveniently wet my pants….  So lets hope he doesn’t get too much of his moms determination. 

Besides his cute and not so cute tantrums I still have a very affectionate baby. One who loves hugs and kisses and is open and giving to anyone who would accept his love.  His scoot is still as silly as ever, yesterday one of my friends compared it to that of a monkey, swinging his little body forward with one arm.  I imagine his left arm is considerably stronger than his right, due to this continuous movement.  He loves to take off and put things on. His socks, a hat, a banana…. Yep he loves putting his food in his hair once he is done with putting it in his mouth.  You’d be amazed at how great food works as a substitute for hair gel ;) Well as far as his eye color, it is definetly green with a hint of brown! I love it!  And while he still predominately looks like a Clarke, his eyes and calcic in his hair are definitely Blackhurst.  Well my little napper (see below) is starting to show signs of awaking, so until next time—keep your hands and feet inside at all times—it’ s going to be a bumpy ride.

Sometimes

Every once in awhile I want to write about something that causes me to pause and wait.  Not sure what to think, not sure when to make a decision. I look around my tiny cluttered apartment… safe from grown up responsibility (only not really).  I can use mom's bread when I am out and turn up the heat without worrying it will cause greater expense. But down in my apartment I know we’re really carving out what will someday be our future.  This interim time - won’t last forever, despite how Will sometimes feels about never moving on and having roadblocks at every corner. At some point we will need to move. Move out of Layton, and now possibly out of state. So far we have heard back from two colleges, one offered an interview and the other did not. It was U of U that did not offer an interview, and a school in Ohio that did.  

I don’t fly by the seat of my pants well… but I have been forced to do so since marrying Will. Our marriage led to strong feelings to start a family, which in return led to quitting my job and putting all my faith in Will’s recovery.  I know that the decisions we have made so far are in accordance with the Lord’s will. And mostly it is the peace I feel – living with these decisions - that move me forward… Praying that somehow the way will be provided for Will to get back into school and or a job.  In the meantime, looking at Ben and wanting the best future I can possibly provide for him. I would scale any mountain to give him that. I know Will would too. For now, however, instead of scaling we are watching and waiting- hoping that we will get our chance. 

Ten things I love about Ben

OK I decided it was high time I wrote a real birthday post about my little Benny. I'm done sulking ;)

Starting from number 10:

10- I love his morning squeals and baby noises-- his voice is much more pleasant to wake up to than the sound of a blaring alarm
9- I love the way he knocks over the dirty diaper pail and plays with the materials therein -- until he looks around to see he has been caught at which time he screams and hands the discarded diaper my way
8- I love the way he is unafraid to scale the stairs and slide down them
7- I love that he will sit on anyone's lap--- stranger danger has never been in his vocabulary
6- I love when he is done eating he takes the rest of his dinner and disposes it on the floor one piece at a time
5- I love that he loves babies
4- I love his silly little scoot
3- I love that when I ask him to give me a hug or a kiss he actually does it
2- I love his smile- with a dimple (I never expected a baby of mine would have one of these)
1- I love the way he loves- it's so pure and sweet

Summer

ps Will said he loves the way Ben doesn't wake him up in the middle of the night (the rascal ;)

pps how come no one told me I spelled weird wrong in the title of my last post?