Sometimes

Every once in awhile I want to write about something that causes me to pause and wait.  Not sure what to think, not sure when to make a decision. I look around my tiny cluttered apartment… safe from grown up responsibility (only not really).  I can use mom's bread when I am out and turn up the heat without worrying it will cause greater expense. But down in my apartment I know we’re really carving out what will someday be our future.  This interim time - won’t last forever, despite how Will sometimes feels about never moving on and having roadblocks at every corner. At some point we will need to move. Move out of Layton, and now possibly out of state. So far we have heard back from two colleges, one offered an interview and the other did not. It was U of U that did not offer an interview, and a school in Ohio that did.  

I don’t fly by the seat of my pants well… but I have been forced to do so since marrying Will. Our marriage led to strong feelings to start a family, which in return led to quitting my job and putting all my faith in Will’s recovery.  I know that the decisions we have made so far are in accordance with the Lord’s will. And mostly it is the peace I feel – living with these decisions - that move me forward… Praying that somehow the way will be provided for Will to get back into school and or a job.  In the meantime, looking at Ben and wanting the best future I can possibly provide for him. I would scale any mountain to give him that. I know Will would too. For now, however, instead of scaling we are watching and waiting- hoping that we will get our chance.