Maddy week one

This picture says it all. Maddy is handling this whole situation like a champ! I on the other hand am falling apart. Somewhere around Saturday morning my horror switched to panic attacks. I don't think I even cried until I knelt down to ask Heavenly Father why this is happening to me? and why such a difficult reality had to be Maddy's new normal for awhile? My sweet innocent child - I just keep thinking how is this even possible? This type of thinking only increased my panic and I literally felt terrified to be alone with Maddy or my kiddies without Will or someone else.

Once my sister helped me to figure out that telling myself "I couldn't do it" was actually making it so "I couldn't do it," I decided to stop thinking "I can't" and started believing "I can." Thinking this really helps me to feel a lot more peace through this...When I asked burn unit nurses about how other mothers handle these situations, I quickly found I am not alone and that I actually seemed more put together than most - which I'm definitely not put together. My heart aches to think of these women, to see I am not the only one who's entire soul is wrapped up in their child's every triumph and every tragedy.

I can't say I've learned even a quarter of what the Lord has prepared for Will and I at this time. But I catch glimpses of things even greater than I have ever yet imagined. Glimpses of suffering that must happen after terrible accidents, and lose of love ones or so on. Somewhere in my vision I can see that we are not here on earth to be selfish or think only of ourselves. We are here to give. But not only give some - to give our all, to sacrifice even our lives if necessary - for love and for others.

Now I know if you have made it this far you I am sure you want me to cut to the chase. Of course if I would have got right to the point you might not have read the first few paragraphs (see what I did there ;).  Madison is doing well.

Here is what I have learned about skin in the past five days. First degree burns take a week or two to heal, 2nd degree two to four weeks to heal and 3rd degree just don't really heal. Except more often in Babies 3rd degree burns can miraculously regenerate skin. And sometimes in other people. Once the skin is burned down that deep there is no more feeling, nerves, plasticy, or real germ protection. The skin cells try to build from the sides of the wounds and do a horrible job and clump up all over the place and generally still cause long time pain.

So with the third degree burns the doctor waits three weeks then makes his final decision on whether or not to cut skin off the back of the leg or buttox and put it onto the wound. Once this decision is made patients are given a day or two to prepare then sent into surgery - and possibly an overnight stay at the hospital. Then another month at least of pain and bandages would follow.

So today's visit to the burn unit at the U - it would have been nice to have been warned that the "hard" part of all is is not just in those first moments after falling into a fire. I watched as my baby was pinned down and her wounds were scrubbed and her skin was torn off. She was in a lot of pain. I tried to close my eyes and remember to breath, but her eyes stayed fixated on me so I tried not to let her see how much her pain became my own pain.

Then came the prognosis - the facial burns and burns on her fingers and elbow will heal and probably not scar too much. The ones on her belly and her under arm are still too deep in dead skin to know so those answers will literally begin to surface in the next week or two.  In the meantime the PA told us to start dressing the wounds twice a day instead of once - now two times a day instead of just the one time I will need to be very brave :(
 
We love you all. We have been recipients to such thoughtful acts of service and sacrifice. We are indebted to so many of you and hope you know how much we appreciate you!

So if you're one of so many praying for Maddy- pray for pink skin! And pray that her mom will understand that pain makes her and us stronger, not weaker.

Keep with us and hopefully I'll be less wordy in the next post!

Sincerely,

Summer