Moving on

I think my heart is finally waking up from the horrible nightmare that Madison had to go through. I don't know that I will ever really be OK with what happened. I'm hoping it doesn't just cripple me in general. If being a mom was hard before this happened it's even harder now. Thinking about how close we came to some really bad things happening. I admit to feeling sad every time I see the red spot on her face where she was burned and hating it. Hating that I was responsible for that happening... I don't ever want something like this to happen to my little family again. But I know I can't avoid every heart break. So here I am picking my self back off the ground and moving forward - wish me luck ;)

I'm writing of course because I know the show must go on. Everyday is a gift and this blog is my own "gift" to my kids. Recording their life experiences, I hope will help them understand themselves better the older they get.

Lets start with Benjamin. I'm amazed at how smart he is. I mean he's brilliant.  He has really high critical thinking skills. I can't wait to see what he will be when he grows up! HE is also my most energetic kid. He never stops moving! I'm not always sure how to harness his energy, maybe if I just redirect it...  In other news he is actually doing really well in kindergarten - great academically and he is even picking up a few friends along the way. He still stays to himself a lot of the time-- but he does take more opportunity to talk to kids than he did at the first of the school year.

James is everybody's best friend. He really does get along with everyone! He has a preschool class of 11 boys and every time I see him in that class he is talking or playing with another kid. He knows most of them by name.  He also says the sweetest things. "Mom you are so beautiful, "Mom I love you"-- all without promoting. Melt my heart! James got Paw Patrol shoes for his birthday and now he wants everything Paw Patrol for Christmas. He even makes up songs about Paw Patrol. Speaking of singing - he is always singing or talking. Before James started talking my car rides were pretty quiet. Ben and Will just sit back and think and think - but rarely verbalize. Everything James thinks comes out of his mouth (sound familiar ;) So between him and our budding chatting girl- our car and home are chuck full of noise all the time now!

Madison is doing well. She is talking more everyday. She repeats pretty much everything and anything her brothers say or do-- including the pretend burping at dinner time - those little stinkers! I keep waiting for her real "girlie" side to kick in, and it's there but not near as prominent as I thought it might be by now- _I think she may become a tomboy just like me :) She adores her brothers! Especially Ben! She is lost without them and its really fun to see how much they mean to her. Madison has given me a run for my money the last few months - she is very determined and doesn't give in easily. She wants to walk down the stairs on her own and if you carry her down instead- expect her to run back up the stairs and go back down on her own. She doesn't like to be told what to do and is insistent on doing things her ways. I am trying not to spoil her because she is my youngest and that is hard to do. Sometimes I think that is why my little surprise baby cakes was born so close to James-- so I would still have to give all the kiddies equal attention. She is a good kid And I love her so much. She did develop a little "after the burn anxiety." She has been really clingy to mom since the accident. It's been really hard for me to cut those apron strings because I don't want anything to happen to her. But I know it's best to let her learn to stand on her own two feet again...

As for Will and I -- I found myself getting grumpier and grumpier with him and my little family after the accident. I felt bad for my behavior and have since repented of these moody ways and was surprised when I found out the best cure for the blues was going on dates with William. What a wonderful man I married. He is healing in so many ways. I love him more everyday. My partner and the man who puts up with me- even when I am a total brat!

Well I'm sure this was a way too long post, but I had a lot of catching up to do. Keep with us on our journey...

Love,

Summer

ps the rest of the pictures were of our the rest of our summer and fall after the burn....