The Pandemic continued...

 What a summer! I didn't know it was possible to love and fall in love and then fall in love again with my kiddies. The older they get they go from one phase to another and they are all so cute and fun to talk to. Maddy finally is chiming in with the rest of us. Voicing articulated opinions and whoever is the most passionate wins. Its been fun to see James and Maddy play make believe. Often something to do with a puppy or zombie. Ben chimes in between audible books and establishes that he is the alpha and they love the whole dynamic. Our kiddies are learning to become best friends. Its sort of my favorite thing. So last you heard we were in the middle of a pandemic. Unfortunately we are STILL in the middle of a pandemic. Its become a little less shocking/dramatic/difficult - we aren't afraid as much to breath on our relatives. Or stand on the same backyard porch as them. It was torture being separated from my brothers and sisters and parents like that. There are some people that really took to all the isolation and alone time but I just couldn't. It was really very hard. As the restrictions have lifted a little by little its like my stress lifted off bit by bit. 

By may School called it quits three weeks early and my kiddies and I went from some sergeant sub servant relationship to just being mom of three cute kids trying to do their best. Being vulnerable, learning how to swim, bike, get along with others, dealing with their emotions and all the sudden I'm just a coach watching as their greatness unravels - through all the bumps and hills and mountains they have to climb... 

We spent the summer camping, going to bear lake, swimming every other day at the Clearfield aquatic center and visiting my parents and sisters and brothers. Violet goes with us almost everywhere we go we love that cute dog!

Lets start with Ben. He is growing by leaps and bounds. I told Will the other day that I'm not ready for him to not be a kid anymore. He has to bath everyday and he often babysits his siblings. He is more responsible with the dog than I am. He is a great help around the house and he is kind and really turning in to quite the young man. He still has some angst of course- life comes at him a hundred miles a minute so he gets overwhelmed with new experiences of course. We just started group violin lessons and it totally sets him off to be in a new group setting- so hoping hat works out ok. 

Moving onto James - he is going to be baptized this next month and we haven't even figured out how we are going to baptize him during a pandemic... only a few people will come and I'm sure the program will be short... James continues to be our most outdoorsy kid. He loves to play with other kids and he will do so for hours on end. James is smart and happy and silly and chill and the perfect middle child for our family. I often think he in some ways completes his siblings as they do him. 

Maddy - my little angel Maddy. She has come so far the past few months. It feels like some of the fog is lifting. She is talking so much more and its so cute here are some of her maddisms:

She came up with a really big number: Googleplexaverse
After watching Sonic the hedgehog she says her stuffed animal penjuins new name was: Sonic Twinkie cause he is fast! 
She seems to starts everything nowadays with: "Just so you know twinkie..." and then says what she is feeling
The following is a conversations I over heard between her and James:

J- you thick zombies are real?
M- they are, they are real— I’m not lying
Stuffed animals are real and zombies are real - it’s not too much pretending
J - so they Can come to our house and eat our brains

M- ah huh - and they are invisible

Maddy's stress and the problems sleeping and the difficult transitions - everything seems to be rounding out. She is picking up swimming and biking like a champ. We've been in OT and cranial sacral therapy and are finding some of the tricks to calming her little overwhelmed sensory system. I don't know when the potty training piece will come in but I'm not going to get worked up over it anymore- it is what it is and we will beat it someday. She starts 1st grad in a couple weeks they will go 2 days on and three days off to split up the kids from COVID exposure - this year will be one for the books for a lot of reasons- I'm learning with faith and family we're going to make it- I feel that more now after sort of falling apart this spring with having to homeschool for two months... 

Will and I- I super love him. He is the perfect ying to my yang. He is always up for serving others and our family. Sometimes I wonder if he is ever tired. Always looking for the next project to help with. He made a wood shed, a balance beam and fixed the sprinklers in the last two weeks alone. He is the perfect partner and I are up grateful everyday to have him. We're hoping to move upward and onward with his job, as my hours continue to go down to support my concussion symptoms and more need for therapies with our kiddies. Fingers crossed. 

I'll leave you with some shots from the past couple months adventures... 

Keep with us, 

Love,

Summer 

A Pandemic! WHat?!

So lets start with the Elephant in the room - or in the world. In January I watched a clip of the Chinese government building an entire hospital in 10 days and thought- this is bad.... Fast forward to the middle of March and our entire state of Utah shut down in a matter of mins. The turning point was Tom Hanks being diagnosed with Covid19 and an NBA game being canceled moments before they went on court because a Utah Jazz player had tested positive. Teachers barely had time to react- school doors closed and worksheets and iPads were sent home with parents and my kids and I have been holed up in our house for four weeks so far trying to complete 15-25 assignments between three of the kids on any given day. I've been a mess. I feel betrayed by the teachers - but know they are in shock and powerless just as much as I am to our world being thrown upside down in what felt like a second.

The first couple of weeks I gave myself a lot of pep talks about how I was going to use this time to be a better person and really enjoy my kids- and I have in some ways. Spending time only with my kids and husband- there is no one I would rather be "locked down" with. But the lock down up to this point is more of a game of psychological war fare. Cleaning my hands multiple times an hour, wiping down door handles every-time I come back from the grocery store. We're fighting a deadly bug so small that we have no idea where it is so we have to assume it's everywhere around us and that we have the horrendous potential to infect the people most dear to us - but who are more susceptible to the worse this disease has to offer. It makes instant enemies of strangers. You cross a grocery store isle to avoid people and worry that people are judging you if you stop to say hi to a friend in the parking lot. In Salt Lake County you can get a $1,000 fine for violating social distancing guidelines.

As my anxiety has grown with the day to day pschyological toll I've started to employ more mental health tackle approaches like mindfulness, exercising, calling friends and positive affirmations. These seem to be helping but I'm still a little depressed. I realize this entire situation is exposing chinks in my armor. Weaknesses I had no idea were there. I feel like with the Lord standing near by I'm walking through my own personal fire (I"m sure everyone around me feels the same) but before I'm totally engulfed he reaches for me and brings me through to the next obstacle and then I head back into the fire. I pray that this time of trial refines me and prepares me for everything that is to come. Especially as it concerns to my children. I'm so afraid that they will have to do hard things and they won't be able to do those things - I really push myself and them, but too much. I want to protect them from such difficult realities as a pandemic and for our own personal trials this year as learning to cope with Autism.

As part of this diagnosis childhood anxiety has reared it's ugly head over the last few months. Maddy hasn't been sleeping lately and Ben has moments of being overwhelmed so much that he will just pace and shake a little - about the fear of an earthquake, or the pandemic or overwhelm with too much information - I'm standing beside them coaching them how to get through it but I can't take it away from them and prefer they learn the tricks to becoming resilient to some of the overwhelm that comes with feeling like the world is offering too much information (light, sound, taste, physical, etc...) all at once. Just like I need to learn to walk the tightrope to doing "well" during this difficult - so do they need to learn how to defeat their demons.

I give thanks to our Heavenly Father for not asking us to do this alone, even if I can't be with my own parents at this time. I can be with Him and I can feel Him when I kneel and pray.

I'll end with a quick update about the chillen...


Ben broke his arm on the sidewalk the other week and is sporting a neon green cast for the next few weeks. He has a fascination with nerf gun wars right now and currently is sleeping on his floor in his nerf gun fort. He just finished reading the second book of Harry Potter and when he isn't reading he loves listening to other kid fantasy books on his Alexa. He is learning to control his big emotions and we've made progress with him learning to comply without screaming (this is all with the help of a counselor). He is bright and loved so much by his brother and sister- he is there Hero and generally treats them both so well. He is a really good big brother, most the time ;) !



James has one front tooth that was quick to come in after he lost it and another that just seems to be taking up camp in his gums. His toothless grin right now is so precious. James hasn't complained about not playing with friends- I've been surprised that he is doing so well - even without friends stopping by all the time because of social distancing. He jumps on the tramp and spends a lot of time springing on our furniture too. He also will take any min Ben will give him - Ben likes to hole up in his room a lot, but when he comes out the kids just light up. James is also happy to do his school work everyday- he is the only one who doesn't fight me on it which is such a blessing to me - (I know its being in charge of my kids education that has my mental health on edge.)



Maddy has reverted a little with potty accidents and not being able to sleep- which has been a great source of angst for me as well- but when I take a look closer and let her develop at her own rate - I'm just in love. She is so darling. She says the cutest things. Like when I explained to her she has to go to the bathroom everyday because she drinks everyday - she spent the next three days telling me she wasn't thirsty but then snuck drinks when I wasn't looking :) She also makes a game out of washing her hands during this pandemic. She refuses to wash them without Will or I standing over her singing the abc's with her so she gets them washed thoroughly. Recently she convinced me she would sleep if I bought her a lava lamp so once it arrived she promptly found out she couldn't sleep with it on. She is very determined and has the most difficult time of all my children with change or upset to her schedule. I'm hoping to direct her in ways to promote flexibility but mostly I hope people around her will see around some of these flaws - because when they do they will fall in love too.

Well This is a long entry so I will just end with- my concussion still give me grief and at this stage in the game I'm worried it will for a lifetime - Yikes! And Will is working hard for our family and is truly invested in me and the children - we couldn't be more lucky to have him.


Keep reading and keep praying-

Love,

Summer

Still kickin in 2020

I need to recommit to writing in this blog- its my kids only journal and by golly the world needs to know how cute they are.

Ben is 9 years old - he is crazy responsible and I"ve even got him babysitting the other two for short periods of time. Truth be told however the kid is better at helping direct Maddy to the best next steps then I am. He is a master at getting Maddy to do things she doesn't want to do. This last year we were able to get at the very root of a lot of his stress and as a result he is a much calmer kid- I am so happy about that! Not just for our home but for him- he doesn't feel overwhelmed all the time anymore. The cutie patootie is in counseling currently to teach him to some basic social skills. He's smart and driven and unsure how to communicate with others around him so often he just doesn't. He's on the autism spectrum- and its been interesting to see him stepping into the role- dealing with the life he has been given. I expect great things from him and couldn't be prouder of the person he is.

James is my social butterfly - he pulls in friends by the dozens. He is a little on the shy side however and stays home- instead of go out and see who can play. I don't know if that means he is a homebody or just hesitant to be in new environments. Don't worry though his friends often come knocking and he loves it. James is responsible and is calm. He is also in constant motion. Here in the middle of winter because he can't jump on the trampoline he makes our front room his jumping ground. He is skinny as a rail because of all the motion and eats like a horse.

M\adison - so driven and dynamic. This year she continues to take her place among the siblings as the favorite. The boys protect her and love her hugs. She tells them daily how much she loves them. She also made up her own language - so she says. So far she only has one word developed - but apparently it can mean an infinite number of things "calaascious" - often it means I love you. She has also come far in the last year. We've done a lot to help to "regulate" her - energy work, occupational therapy and most recently ABA therapy. Its crazy to raise someone who is so gifted but so "lost" all in the same moment. She doesn't like anyone telling her what to do and transitions are a bear for her. I have hope though that she'll figure it out. Really we are all here to tame our own beasts and though some peoples mountains seem taller than others - I'm confident the Lord knew what he was doing when he gave her some of her "brain integration" challenges- aka autistic challenges. She will rise to the challenge and I think she'll be a force to be reckoned with some day.

As for Will and I- my brain is still dizzy- I fear that this concussion is here to stay. I have lived in concussion treatments for the past year-- weekly. And all the treatments I have tried haven't really seemed to put a dent in the issues. I still feel like I need Tylenol daily- even though I don't take it daily. Sleep is a little harder for me and work is sometimes fraught with trouble concentrating and multi tasking. I don't know what this means for my future other than I hope and believe my Father in Heaven will pave the way forward. Will is my knight in shinning armor. I am more in love with him now than ever. I'm lucky to be his wife. We believe some of the autistic tendencies came from his cute little gene pool as he is pretty logical and less likely to initiate coverstations and understand all the idiosyncrasies of human interaction. I'm less likely to graduate from medical school though so I think it all equals out in the end. Will was promoted this year and he is slowly creeping up in the pay scale. Every penny helps as our dr appointments have tripled as a family in the past year and aren't slowing down anytime soon. And my income is going down because I'm dizzy or achy or busy with the kids appointments and mine so much of the day.

I think that is all she wrote. We're a healthy and happy family- and feel so blessed to have one another. Our kiddies are so wonderful and we have bright hopes for the future.


Love,

Summer

ps We have also been working crazy to bring our cute new house into this century style wise. Will and his dad have put dozens of hours into installing new floor in our house....