As time goes by

Let's start with the dog- We came home and caught Skips red-handed or rather red faceded from eating our taco soup leftovers-- he loves it when we leave the house and forget to clean up the stove top leftovers-- STINKER!  He is such a loving dog - I forgive him for all of his transpasses even when he pees on the kitchen counter-- YIKES!

Ben feels like he grew up overnight. His hugs feel like they are coming from a boy- who is getting stronger not a chubby baby/toddler type kid I have been used too. He is bright and still as active as always.  His baptism will be this year I can't believe I will have an 8-year-old. He is already asking to babysit. He promises James and Maddy when he does get to babysit their days will be filled with movies and popcorn.  Which really he figured out how to make his own popcorn- from the popcorn maker one day and had drenched half a bowl of popcorn in a fully melted cube of butter-- he was not sad about the greasy mistake at all! Tonight driving home from my brothers Ben said- "you know mom, I really am not getting the summer I want. I haven't hardly watched any tv." #momwin! Currently Ben has been staying up past his bedtime to read- its been fun seeing him morf into a reader - even if he doesn't understand all the words he is reading...

James is my ham. He loves pictures of himself taken. He loves dancing and singing if the phone cam is rolling and tonight his girl cousins had him dancing in front of their skit while they sang. He is such a lovable kid! James hangs on Ben's every word and loves getting "training" from him. Even if this weekend's training was a punch fest so Ben could train him how not to be a "whimpy kid" The STINKER! (Ben not James ;)  James enters Kindergarten this year. He is so excited. I got him a paw patrol backpack for school and he can't wait to be in the same school as Ben. James lives on the trampoline during the summer. Jumping as high as he can and making up his own little world out there. James is a lot better at playing pretend than Ben. Ben is very logical like Will (I remember talking to Will when we were dating about a movie he had watched- and we debated how unrealistic it was---I think it was a superhero movie- I told him- "WILL they aren't supposed to be based in reality- face palm - LOL I guess I understand now why I have such a literal oldest child and a not so literal second child #whosgeneswinmineorhis)

Madison is turning a corner on potty training (cue the fireworks and cakes and music) I can't tell you how stressful this has been for Will and I -- she is 4 and a half years old. We figure she just got hit with constipation at the wrong time and as a result, couldn't go when she needed to and the who scenario has been stressful for all three of us. She has started to talk a lot more and as a result James is starting to include her into his clan (he kind of ignored her before then) their friendship is finally budding. Ben has always babied Maddy - I'm talking he rolls out the red carpet for her all the time- it is so cute! It is so fun for me to have a girl - she dances with me and breaks out into singing whenever she is playing with a doll or feels excited - finally! someone I can relate to! I'm counting down the days until I will have someone to enjoy my hallmark movies with! I still am trying to get a handle on her character- but if I used some nouns right now they would be independent, full of thoughts, driven, and loving. She gets so sad if she thinks she has hurt something or someone - I have to convince her its going to be ok. She broke a handwashing jar the other day- it was 45 mins of hysteria and her begging- mom fix it mom fix it.

Will is back to school- two more classes until his RHIA certificate -- we think we will be done in December. I've started a business and have some really busy days that end at 2 or 3 am and those weeks can be tricky. My business is marketing for nonprofits. I love it and I love the people I work with- really hoping it takes off in a manageable part-time sort of way. Will is my best friend and my favorite person- I miss him all the time- ironically parenting feels like a lot of time away from him- even though he is in the same room. I don't want my kids to grow up but really look forward to the day that I won't have to compete for Will's attention or him mine. I appreicate our date nights more than anything now :)

Welp I think that is the whole run down. We'll be back with another edition someday hopefully sooner than later:)

Summer

ps I turned 40 last month- What a beautiful world :)

Its a new year

Woah!

I really neglected this blog in 2017! It happens to be my kid's journal entries- so I better pick up the pace in 2018!

So many months to cover and so little energy in my body right now.  I noticed my last post talked about working alot.... Well as things turned out that trend did continue through to the end of the year. I was literally running from activity to activity. One kid to another. One mess to another. One job to another. All the while Will studied and tried to keep up with his classes. Not going to lie I did not like having so much time away from Will. I had no idea how much I needed a husband until I got one and now that I have him I'm kind of lost whenever he is really busy (insert frowny face here). So thats the dets on Will and I- I guess I led with us this time.

Ben, we will put him next. Ben is at the top of all the lists in his class- the fastest to finish a math chapter and reading and etc... He is doing really well in school and loves his teacher Mrs. Israelsen. He still likes Pokemon but has moved onto other dorky Japanese cartoons like Yoki and he likes the zombies versus whatever games- that he can only really play when he is at my dad's house. he is as brave a kid as you will ever find. Yesterday while at his friends' house he jumped over a box and landed wrong on his foot. Instead of telling his friends dad he crawled around on the floor upstairs for an hour and a half until I got there-- the little stink!  So he is hobbling now and testing his foot abilities every two mins to see if it is time to be up and going yet.

James loves to laugh and his jokes are shooting out his mouth every other min and when they are spoken out loud they are shooting out his cute little eyes. Notable achievements in preschool this year - are he really seems to have great handwriting. He likes coloring more than Ben does and he can't remember his friend's names but he has a lot of them in class :)  James is in constant motion. I wondered what he would do with winter being too cold to jump on the trampoline and instead of being out on the trampoline in any of his spare time right now. He runs back and forth and back and forth in the front room all day. So cute.

Madison- is a TOUGH sleeper! She is so hard to put down and get her to stay down. And often she will get up at 3 am or 4 am and want to just talk... So so hard to deal with. I am beside myself I asked social media (you know I am desperate if I turn to Facebook for help) the internet and the pediatrician and all I can seem to diagnosis is that she just isn't a good sleeper!! Yikes!  She also has my heart lately. I think one of my strong love languages are words of affirmation. And she says the sweetests things to me. "Mom I love you- Mom you're my best friend Mom I want a hug..." She is such a wonderful daughter! I feel so blessed to have her. She is also talking a lot more now. Yesterday she started a sentence with "actually, I don't think I want one..." She is so cute!

I think that is all she wrote. I'm kind of maxed out lately and hope to find more balance in the coming months.

Take care. Keep with us in our journey :)

Summer

Working hard isn't so bad

I've got to quote these kids! They say the cutest things....

Lets start with James-- I'm standing in the bathroom and he jumps into the doorway and says "I'm ninja James!!!"  He was so cute I told the story a couple times to friends and since then he requests I tell the story all the time. He also likes to make up songs and dance for whoever will give him an audience. He loves legos and is the friendliest little tyke this side of the Mississippi. He started preschool last week and I miss him just thinking about it. He went last year too but this year he is gone the same time Madison is gone I'm kind of like a lost puppy right now. I'll end with one more quote from James- we were talking about what fires can burn and Ben and James were shouting out things like houses, metal, and then James said what about a whale under water??? -- Touche!

Ben is a wiz at math and it takes him only seconds to catch up with adult conversations... for example he wanted the run down on hurricanes and how water in houses hurt the walls-- we explained the molding process and how you have to knock out walls if your house is flooded too much. He actually sometimes knows more than I do ... do you know anything about the lemurs of Madagascar?? I don't but Ben can tell you all about them. He also likes to talk about things like inertia and gravity and stuff... This kid is smart as a whip! My favorite is when he gives his brother and sister character lectures-- "James it isn't appropriate for you to hurt CC she is a girl and you have to be so nice to girls..." and then continue that conversation for 23 more minutes straight.

Madison is my most quotable kid right now... She screams and cries and when we don't give her attention for the spectacles she'll say- "momma I'm crying," "Mom I"m upset" "Mom I'm sad" and then she continues the conversation to say "I'm being brave" "I'm not crying anymore." She also makes up stuff like - putting on a dress and calling herself by the latest disney princes "I'm Moana" or "I'm Ana!" my favorite was today she said "I'm an Ana baby, not a Mater baby (Popular talking truck in Cars)." I've also recently learned a few tricks about my little girl. She doesn't always show remorse when she hurts someone, but she instantly launches into a temper tantrum about something else. I guess she gets mad instead of sad...  Last thing, Maddy is in preschool- I wasn't planning on putting her there, but wanted to work on getting her to talk more cause she was quiet quite a bit. She seems to be more talkative now, so we shall see how the year goes. 

Will and I are pretty much running ALL THE TIME.  I'm really busy with work and the kids with three different school schedules and Will is busy with work and school. I have minutes where I imagine my life with just being a mom, no work and it seems like it would be great but then I also think I might be stir crazy... I try not to come up with what if things were different with Will and his job scenarios because at the end of the day - I couldn't ask for a better husband or more flexible stay at home job. I feel so so blessed.  I'm also a beehive advisor and I'm thinking sometimes I'm more rambunctious than those 12 year olds! I guess they bring the silly out in me. Love the calling but it is a tad crazy with my already crazy schedule. "You've got this Summer" that what I have to think so I don't crumble in on myself ;)

I hope alls well with all of you!

Sincerely,

Summer

 Trip to Bear Lake Over Labor Day with the Jarom Blackhurst Family

 Ben's first day of 1st grade

 Boys new bed

James and Maddy first day of different preschools (James in Layton, Maddy in Kaysville)

James turned 5 years old seven days after the kindergarten deadline

Life Continues

So much to say so little time... But I should say more, because it's been so many months since my recent musings of my Blackhurst clan.... I'm assuming my absence has to do with more time spent working. I've done that a bunch more in the last few months... I have been working with a youtuber, making music videos for causes and have had a bunch of fun learning about marketing videos and etc... and teaming with non profits. I've also recently started doing some medical writing for IHC, and still do some parenting blogging for Go Au Pair. I'm not sure how I'll keep doing it all though with Will going back to school for the next six months-- I can't wait to read my next journal entry to see if I survive... AKA working and being a good mom. And anytime Will is schooling. I'm missing him like crazy and get stir crazy with the kiddies - so heres hoping I make it.

Ben is growing right before my eyes. He reads better all the time, he is making more friends and hanging out more with kids in the neighborhood. We're embarking on that whole new world of parenting to find the balance of friends and family and good outside influences and avoiding bad outside influences- sometimes the lines aren't always clear so this is all unnerving.  Ben loves his dog Skips and would really love a puppy. Ben also loves Pokemon and picking on his little brother.

James is a hoot. The family comedian to say the least. The kid is always teasing and laughing. He's my smiley guy. Today James primary teacher and I agreed on one thing about him- he does not like to wear shoes. Wherever he goes the first thing he does is take them off. It makes me CRAZY! James is really easy to get along with - he generally hangs out with any kid that will give him attention and I think most kids are happy to jump on his bandwagon. He has a very soft heart. You raise your voice at him and the tears fall like rain. James starts his second year of preschool in the fall. His first year he was one of 12 boys so that was a pretty crazy class. I think he loved it though. I'm hoping for more girls this next year ;)

Madison - you know how you see the best and worst in yourself - in your kids? Well she is determined. She knows what she wants and doesn't stop until she gets it. The flip side is her tantrums are crazy dramatic and she lets you know when she isn't happy with you (sounding familiar yet ;)  It's Will- just kidding that ones me :) Maddy's burn wounds have healed more as has my heart. I feel more confident all the time that she will see her scars as a way to connect with others in similar situations and build people who feel inadequate. Instead of letting them define her for bad. I hope she knows how beautiful she is and how beautiful all of our scars are both visible and hidden. They are a testament to resilience and overcoming trials. I love this little girl with all my heart. I wish I could give her a sister- but for now I will just pray that she finds "sisters" throughout her life in the gospel and community.  She is a wonderful wonderful girl.

As for Will and I you got my sob story at the top so I'll end with Will. He continues to be my rock. The man I love and admire more everyday. He is in a new job- at the U- doing medical coding. He says it's more interesting than the last job. I hope hope hope we can someday find him some job that will be just as satisfying for him as being a doctor was... I'm grateful for how far he has come. I am so proud of the man he is and how much his "scars" have taught him.

I better leave you now- to hit the hay. Fight the good fight!

Wish us luck. We love you!

Summer

East coast and back

How fast can I spin out one of these journal entries for my kiddies and Will and I--- lets see...

Benjamin - He has labeled himself the quiet kid at school and after some follow up questions with his teacher she would say that is a pretty accurate description. I know what your thinking- is this my kid!!!!! How is that genetically possible! I've spent plenty of time this year fussing and worrying that he won't have any friends as a result, but every time this kid does open his mouth he is articulate and interesting and kind. I think he will do fine in school - he just needs to warm up to people a little before he really gets talking. He was the one who enthralled all of the people who had him while we were on vacation in the east this past week. He kept all of the aunts and uncles up on his routines and entertained with his intellectual discussions. O and here he is without his two front teeth...which the tooth fairy was about two days late delivering the cash goods and Ben asked us incessantly to text the fairy and remind her.

James - he is hardly a baby at all anymore. He and Ben are starting to play really well together now that they can both talk and say what they need and want. I wish I could say that meant that Ben no longer picks on him but alas scratches on his face that were placed there just this morning would indicate that we are still not over that hurdle. James is a go-with-the-flow type of guy. He is talkative and can pretend play with boys and girls alike. He is a half a year away from being 5 years old but is already fitting into 5t clothes. I'm sorta sad this kid won't start kindergarten this year because he misses the deadline by 7 days. I feel like he is ready to go, but hopefully we can still make it a great year for him. He will be going to preschool three days a week instead of two days a week this next year.

Maddy is starting in on repeating things over and over. Tonight she wanted us to know that she was human. Over and over she said to us "Madison is people" I am people" I am people" I am people." I'm in a kind of watch and see position with her- she isn't a talker but I don't know if that is a speech delay or a Madison thing... we shall see.  So this baby girl of mine is driving me up a wall lately. The tantrums are getting worse headed into the threes instead of better. She also doesn't want to potty train but also doesn't want to be in dirty diapers. So every time she has a wet or poopy diaper- she takes it off and walks around half nude until someone discovers her indiscretions. By the time we get to the discarded poopy diapers there is quite the mess to clean up on walls and around the house - YUCK!

As for me I am buckling down as of late. I"m on a crusade to rid myself of anxiety- unfortunately from all my studies and conversations with other people dealing with this- this little guy doesn't go quietly into the night! In general I can manage and track it now- where before I could not. The real challenge though is to be patient when it is happening.

As for Will and I we just got home from a week long vacation to the East to visit my brother Peter and his family and Will's brother Jon and my friend Janine. It was the perfect mental health vacation for me - I was so grateful for the time off from being a mom to figure out who I really am and especially who the new me with anxiety is. Will I think had a great time too.

Well, try as I did- I was unable to keep it short. Maybe if I could get on and journal more often I wouldn't have so much catching up to do.

I want to leave you with something profound and well thought out but I think this is my time to just be. I have to skip out really on any "public victories" that I might want and hope. For now I'm shooting for "private victories" cause I desperately need them right now....

Until next time wish me luck!

Love,

Summer

My parents took us kids out to eat to the mandarin after 

we put granite all through their house. Fun times!

A New Year

Gotta keep up these kids journal and gotta keep moving on.

I'm switching things up and starting with myself today. This past Christmas was a bear for me. A constant struggle to fight off panic attacks. I couldn't breath them away, or think them away or even predict when they were going to rear their ugly face. It was a little paralyzing. I didn't feel like I could plan anything without the worry that I might not have it all together at whatever preplanned event was coming next. I was scared and confused. My husband and I have worked side by side to try to unravel this new and unsettling "mental illness," at times during the holidays I worried I would have to gear up for a life time of living this way. But as soon as the holidays ended the stress and anxiety seemed to melt away. I hope that was my last bout with PTSD, and that I can fix it before it resurfaces again...

Kind of a downer first paragraph, but the bright side is - I have discovered weaknesses that were tucked way in a corner and being left alone without some needed purifying. I know I can do better and I  don't think any amount of ignoring my problems will get me anywhere. Head on Will and I have come up with plans on how I can improve and how he can help me, and some added bonuses of him discovering some of the ways he can change and work better with me have been unearthed. I'm hoping the best is yet to come, thanks to this grand awakening of who I really am and who I really want to be. Wish me luck!

Moving onto Ben. Tonight I did a really stupid thing. A less than considerate missionary was over wrestling with him and begging him to give him a pokemon ball from his Christmas collection. When I allowed the missionary to walk off with Ben's coveted toy - my heart broke. How could I do this to my little boy. Its my job to put him first and I messed up. Sometimes I put the world before I put my Ben. Benjamin handled the situation with grace. He did not complain- he said "mom maybe we can let the missionary have it til his mission is done and then the missionary can give it back before he goes home." (Will came up with a better solution and decided to go get the ball back tomorrow). I can't tell you how many times I have been so impressed with my child. As many times as I am frustrated with his "hard to control energy" there have been twice as many times he has show wisdom beyond his years. He has shown and continues to show great emeralds of knowledge and understanding that I am just sure will really bless a lot of peoples lives as he continues to nourish this ability he has.

James is so lovable. So loving. So thoughtful. The other week we were driving in the car and I was silent. He perked up and said "mom how are you feeling?" I proceeded to tell him some of my happys and sads from the day and he continued with some follow up questions. This kid is everyones best friend- starting with me ;)

Madison is talking. She, like Ben, doesn't always have a lot to say - but when she does talk it is articulate and spot on topic (just like her dad). I was thinking I could have a fragile princess on my hands when I was told I was having a girl, but Madison is turning out to be able to hold her own against her older brothers and generally hops onto any dog pile they might be starting. She dukes it out with them and loves them deeply and on their level. The boys respect her and generally the stink gets whatever she wants from either them...

Will continues to be my dream come true. He is so gentle and kind and loving towards me. He works hard and is so dedicated to me and the kids. I couldn't ask for a better husband if I would have dreamed him up myself. We're hoping this next year he will move into medical coding as a job and finish his medical information management certificate - here's to 2017!

I best be off to bed. I'll leave you with James' impromptu rapper dance and bid you good night.

Love,

Summer

Moving on

I think my heart is finally waking up from the horrible nightmare that Madison had to go through. I don't know that I will ever really be OK with what happened. I'm hoping it doesn't just cripple me in general. If being a mom was hard before this happened it's even harder now. Thinking about how close we came to some really bad things happening. I admit to feeling sad every time I see the red spot on her face where she was burned and hating it. Hating that I was responsible for that happening... I don't ever want something like this to happen to my little family again. But I know I can't avoid every heart break. So here I am picking my self back off the ground and moving forward - wish me luck ;)

I'm writing of course because I know the show must go on. Everyday is a gift and this blog is my own "gift" to my kids. Recording their life experiences, I hope will help them understand themselves better the older they get.

Lets start with Benjamin. I'm amazed at how smart he is. I mean he's brilliant.  He has really high critical thinking skills. I can't wait to see what he will be when he grows up! HE is also my most energetic kid. He never stops moving! I'm not always sure how to harness his energy, maybe if I just redirect it...  In other news he is actually doing really well in kindergarten - great academically and he is even picking up a few friends along the way. He still stays to himself a lot of the time-- but he does take more opportunity to talk to kids than he did at the first of the school year.

James is everybody's best friend. He really does get along with everyone! He has a preschool class of 11 boys and every time I see him in that class he is talking or playing with another kid. He knows most of them by name.  He also says the sweetest things. "Mom you are so beautiful, "Mom I love you"-- all without promoting. Melt my heart! James got Paw Patrol shoes for his birthday and now he wants everything Paw Patrol for Christmas. He even makes up songs about Paw Patrol. Speaking of singing - he is always singing or talking. Before James started talking my car rides were pretty quiet. Ben and Will just sit back and think and think - but rarely verbalize. Everything James thinks comes out of his mouth (sound familiar ;) So between him and our budding chatting girl- our car and home are chuck full of noise all the time now!

Madison is doing well. She is talking more everyday. She repeats pretty much everything and anything her brothers say or do-- including the pretend burping at dinner time - those little stinkers! I keep waiting for her real "girlie" side to kick in, and it's there but not near as prominent as I thought it might be by now- _I think she may become a tomboy just like me :) She adores her brothers! Especially Ben! She is lost without them and its really fun to see how much they mean to her. Madison has given me a run for my money the last few months - she is very determined and doesn't give in easily. She wants to walk down the stairs on her own and if you carry her down instead- expect her to run back up the stairs and go back down on her own. She doesn't like to be told what to do and is insistent on doing things her ways. I am trying not to spoil her because she is my youngest and that is hard to do. Sometimes I think that is why my little surprise baby cakes was born so close to James-- so I would still have to give all the kiddies equal attention. She is a good kid And I love her so much. She did develop a little "after the burn anxiety." She has been really clingy to mom since the accident. It's been really hard for me to cut those apron strings because I don't want anything to happen to her. But I know it's best to let her learn to stand on her own two feet again...

As for Will and I -- I found myself getting grumpier and grumpier with him and my little family after the accident. I felt bad for my behavior and have since repented of these moody ways and was surprised when I found out the best cure for the blues was going on dates with William. What a wonderful man I married. He is healing in so many ways. I love him more everyday. My partner and the man who puts up with me- even when I am a total brat!

Well I'm sure this was a way too long post, but I had a lot of catching up to do. Keep with us on our journey...

Love,

Summer

ps the rest of the pictures were of our the rest of our summer and fall after the burn....