Moving on

I think my heart is finally waking up from the horrible nightmare that Madison had to go through. I don't know that I will ever really be OK with what happened. I'm hoping it doesn't just cripple me in general. If being a mom was hard before this happened it's even harder now. Thinking about how close we came to some really bad things happening. I admit to feeling sad every time I see the red spot on her face where she was burned and hating it. Hating that I was responsible for that happening... I don't ever want something like this to happen to my little family again. But I know I can't avoid every heart break. So here I am picking my self back off the ground and moving forward - wish me luck ;)

I'm writing of course because I know the show must go on. Everyday is a gift and this blog is my own "gift" to my kids. Recording their life experiences, I hope will help them understand themselves better the older they get.

Lets start with Benjamin. I'm amazed at how smart he is. I mean he's brilliant.  He has really high critical thinking skills. I can't wait to see what he will be when he grows up! HE is also my most energetic kid. He never stops moving! I'm not always sure how to harness his energy, maybe if I just redirect it...  In other news he is actually doing really well in kindergarten - great academically and he is even picking up a few friends along the way. He still stays to himself a lot of the time-- but he does take more opportunity to talk to kids than he did at the first of the school year.

James is everybody's best friend. He really does get along with everyone! He has a preschool class of 11 boys and every time I see him in that class he is talking or playing with another kid. He knows most of them by name.  He also says the sweetest things. "Mom you are so beautiful, "Mom I love you"-- all without promoting. Melt my heart! James got Paw Patrol shoes for his birthday and now he wants everything Paw Patrol for Christmas. He even makes up songs about Paw Patrol. Speaking of singing - he is always singing or talking. Before James started talking my car rides were pretty quiet. Ben and Will just sit back and think and think - but rarely verbalize. Everything James thinks comes out of his mouth (sound familiar ;) So between him and our budding chatting girl- our car and home are chuck full of noise all the time now!

Madison is doing well. She is talking more everyday. She repeats pretty much everything and anything her brothers say or do-- including the pretend burping at dinner time - those little stinkers! I keep waiting for her real "girlie" side to kick in, and it's there but not near as prominent as I thought it might be by now- _I think she may become a tomboy just like me :) She adores her brothers! Especially Ben! She is lost without them and its really fun to see how much they mean to her. Madison has given me a run for my money the last few months - she is very determined and doesn't give in easily. She wants to walk down the stairs on her own and if you carry her down instead- expect her to run back up the stairs and go back down on her own. She doesn't like to be told what to do and is insistent on doing things her ways. I am trying not to spoil her because she is my youngest and that is hard to do. Sometimes I think that is why my little surprise baby cakes was born so close to James-- so I would still have to give all the kiddies equal attention. She is a good kid And I love her so much. She did develop a little "after the burn anxiety." She has been really clingy to mom since the accident. It's been really hard for me to cut those apron strings because I don't want anything to happen to her. But I know it's best to let her learn to stand on her own two feet again...

As for Will and I -- I found myself getting grumpier and grumpier with him and my little family after the accident. I felt bad for my behavior and have since repented of these moody ways and was surprised when I found out the best cure for the blues was going on dates with William. What a wonderful man I married. He is healing in so many ways. I love him more everyday. My partner and the man who puts up with me- even when I am a total brat!

Well I'm sure this was a way too long post, but I had a lot of catching up to do. Keep with us on our journey...

Love,

Summer

ps the rest of the pictures were of our the rest of our summer and fall after the burn....

Week 2- A lot of good news

Yesterday's appointment went much better than the other two burn clinic appointments...Less pain, screaming and a overall feeling of hope. The nurse, PA and physical therapist all said- no need for any skin grafts. In fact on her belly we should be done wrapping her within the week. All the skin underneath had resurfaced and was healing nicely.

Wounds after one week

Wounds after two weeks and four days

The arm is a little bit different story. The skin underneath has not regenerated in a spot so the skin on the sides of the scar is going to be working double time.. basically grow sideways to cover the wound. Generally skin grafts do the work of the sideways growing skin but in the case of her arm the spot needing a graft is too small. We will probably be wrapping her arm for at least another 10 days.

I wish I could give you all the lessons on skin that I have learned in the past few weeks - but basically our skin is  a miracle. It is responsible for protecting us from infection and pain and cosmetics. Children and adults with severe burns deal with a double whammy, compared to other ailments. Excessive pain and a huge hit to the confidence. In the burn camps victims are taught to walk with their heads held high and look people in the eyes and etc... to learn from other burn survivors and to learn to love their new look and their new selves - that is of course on top of years of itching, pain and at times new skin grafts because the burns are located on a joint...

I guess I'm telling you all this for a few reasons. Madison's burns could have been much worse. The ones that healed in less than two weeks were on her face, elbow and hand. I was told if a burn heals in that time period there are rarely long term effects. If the situation had been switched and the more severe burns had been on the hand, face or elbow there would have been life long complications in any of those scenarios...  Instead the severe burns are in out of reach places not on joints and not visible to the rest of the world.

As a mother I can't tell you how grateful I am that my daughter is going to be OK. I know that angels were there with us in those first few moments to protect her and bless her. She has also now become my everyday testament to how wonderful it is to be a mother. To have precious children and to care for them and minister to their needs - it is truly the most holy of callings. I'm sorry I've taken this for granted at times. Madison is one of my greatest blessings here on this earth - I hope I can always remember how lucky I am to have her.

Finally as far as the future is concerned. The pigmentation and small scars on her face and arm will slowly return to normal if I continue to apply lotion and SPF 50 everyday for the next year. The one on her belly should be fine with lotion and the one on the arm is a wait and see scenario... Somewhere between the next 3-6 months it will either scar up really high/cosmetically look bad/itchy or stay flat and relatively unnoticeable and without itch.

Thank you for your prayers and your love. I have never felt so watched over as I have the last few weeks with so many coming out of the wood works to help us out. We love you and we hope you'll be in our lives for a very long time.

Love,

Summer (and Will)

Maddy week one

This picture says it all. Maddy is handling this whole situation like a champ! I on the other hand am falling apart. Somewhere around Saturday morning my horror switched to panic attacks. I don't think I even cried until I knelt down to ask Heavenly Father why this is happening to me? and why such a difficult reality had to be Maddy's new normal for awhile? My sweet innocent child - I just keep thinking how is this even possible? This type of thinking only increased my panic and I literally felt terrified to be alone with Maddy or my kiddies without Will or someone else.

Once my sister helped me to figure out that telling myself "I couldn't do it" was actually making it so "I couldn't do it," I decided to stop thinking "I can't" and started believing "I can." Thinking this really helps me to feel a lot more peace through this...When I asked burn unit nurses about how other mothers handle these situations, I quickly found I am not alone and that I actually seemed more put together than most - which I'm definitely not put together. My heart aches to think of these women, to see I am not the only one who's entire soul is wrapped up in their child's every triumph and every tragedy.

I can't say I've learned even a quarter of what the Lord has prepared for Will and I at this time. But I catch glimpses of things even greater than I have ever yet imagined. Glimpses of suffering that must happen after terrible accidents, and lose of love ones or so on. Somewhere in my vision I can see that we are not here on earth to be selfish or think only of ourselves. We are here to give. But not only give some - to give our all, to sacrifice even our lives if necessary - for love and for others.

Now I know if you have made it this far you I am sure you want me to cut to the chase. Of course if I would have got right to the point you might not have read the first few paragraphs (see what I did there ;).  Madison is doing well.

Here is what I have learned about skin in the past five days. First degree burns take a week or two to heal, 2nd degree two to four weeks to heal and 3rd degree just don't really heal. Except more often in Babies 3rd degree burns can miraculously regenerate skin. And sometimes in other people. Once the skin is burned down that deep there is no more feeling, nerves, plasticy, or real germ protection. The skin cells try to build from the sides of the wounds and do a horrible job and clump up all over the place and generally still cause long time pain.

So with the third degree burns the doctor waits three weeks then makes his final decision on whether or not to cut skin off the back of the leg or buttox and put it onto the wound. Once this decision is made patients are given a day or two to prepare then sent into surgery - and possibly an overnight stay at the hospital. Then another month at least of pain and bandages would follow.

So today's visit to the burn unit at the U - it would have been nice to have been warned that the "hard" part of all is is not just in those first moments after falling into a fire. I watched as my baby was pinned down and her wounds were scrubbed and her skin was torn off. She was in a lot of pain. I tried to close my eyes and remember to breath, but her eyes stayed fixated on me so I tried not to let her see how much her pain became my own pain.

Then came the prognosis - the facial burns and burns on her fingers and elbow will heal and probably not scar too much. The ones on her belly and her under arm are still too deep in dead skin to know so those answers will literally begin to surface in the next week or two.  In the meantime the PA told us to start dressing the wounds twice a day instead of once - now two times a day instead of just the one time I will need to be very brave :(
 
We love you all. We have been recipients to such thoughtful acts of service and sacrifice. We are indebted to so many of you and hope you know how much we appreciate you!

So if you're one of so many praying for Maddy- pray for pink skin! And pray that her mom will understand that pain makes her and us stronger, not weaker.

Keep with us and hopefully I'll be less wordy in the next post!

Sincerely,

Summer

Madison's Burns

Last night our baby fell into a fire. Let me start with our gratitude that the burns were less significant than they could have been and that she rolled off the fire quickly. Unfortunately there were still burns. We were up Farmington Canyon camping with my family at the time. My brother in law saw her fall, my sisters cry for help to me was terrifying. I knew something bad had happened listening to her shout. I was close enough to grab Madison right after landing on the ground.

Madisons cries indicated that this would need an ER visit so I doused her with water (I was panicked and so probably too much dousing). Then Will jumped in the drivers seat and I next to her in the car seat and we headed down the mountain. With no reception it gave us time to decide what to do next- we realized there were too many unknowns about the burns and we didn't know which hospital to go to. I called 911 and the operator had an ambulance meet us at the mouth of Farmington Canyon and then the crazy started. Lots of fire engines, and EMTs (I had no idea how many people you could fit into the back of an ambulance).

Because of the burns on her face - so close to her mouth they called life flight to ensure there would be no breathing issues. During the time we waited for life flight the emts tried unsuccessfully four times to get an IV in her. After that they just gave up. At first they told me I couldn't ride with her in the helicopter than luckily the life flight nurse decided differently.

The life flight trip was short. The only vivid memory I have of the flight was seeing the Bountiful Temple- very much a symbol of hope for me in these moments. Madison cried on and off through it all- still no pain medication, even by the time we got to the U of U hospital, the hospital choosen for the job because of their burn unit.

She sat on my lap while nurses again failed miserably at getting an IV in her. Finally they gave her pain medication by mouth. I have to say I'm surprised I could be on a life flight and etc... and we never once saw a doctor(the entire night). They sent a burn unit nurse down to asses and she decided she would not need to be admitted to the burn unit! My heart soared as she told us the wounds were manageable and she believed the burns on Madison's face would not leave a scar.

Our little baby does have a few third degree burns, which will be assessed on Monday and then again in a week to see if we will need to do any skin grafts (which would include an overnight stay in the hospital). The other burns were first and second degree.
 

Will and I have the task of dressing her wounds everyday at home- and right now we are praying that we will have the wisdom to know how best to do this well enough that she does not get any infection.

We love our baby with everything we are. I can't begin to tell you how blessed we feel that she did not have to be admitted to the hospital and the burns were not more severe. She was given a blessing by her uncle Ike and by William in the ER. I'm grateful for Ike and Amber- they rode with Will up to the hospital and were there for us when we needed that support. Of course I'm grateful for my family for keeping our boys overnight and for helping out in those first few moments. Gratitude goes out to the nurses and emergency responders. I'm grateful for modern medicine. Where would we be without these medicines and medical personal!

Right now we don't know the cost of this all... but are grateful Will has great insurance and that because he works at the U and the life flight was from the U and we were treated at the U hospital we hope these factors will play in our favor.

We appreciate your prays on behalf of our little angel and glad we got to sleep in our own beds last night!

Love you all,

Summer Blackhurst

Stopping by to say Hi!

I should be brushing my teeth and sending myself off to bed. But then I thought-- My kids my kids what if they don't remember all the cute things they said and did, so I sat down to this blog and will try to be brief...

Ben for example-- when he wants something to last longer he will tell me to wait twice 11 mins. After those 22 mins he assumes he will be done playing with his friends or watching a show. I have no idea where he gets his mathematic equations!

James never stops smiling and teases and teases and teases. Its' happening we officially have our family clown. Even when I am punishing him - he is laughing and running away. He kills ME!  My mom tells me I was the smiling and silly one of all my siblings growing up - so perhaps I will find out what it was like to raise me :)

Madison is talking up a STORM!  She said words like princess and doggy and cat and dark and light and will pretty much repeat anything I ask her to say. She has officially transitioned to a toddler bed and is starting to skip 78 percent of her naps. She is 2 1/2 years old and she is the cutest blue eyed blondie I've ever set my eyes on. I fall in love with her more every minute. She keeps Ben and James in check and whenever she can sneak in and climb to my perfume/lotion and smell good shelf she does. She climbs more than my boys ever did. She pushes the chairs to the tables and stands on my kitchen counter and tries to get at things that scare me to death. She has had far more bruises and scratches on her face than my boys ever did!  My baby is determined!

As for Will and I - I love him with everything I am. I feel so lucky to have such a wonderful husband. I count down the days til Friday-- he is gone a lot week nights studying and I am a total BABY when I go too long without seeing him! I have to get myself a hobby before I make him crazy!

Any who that is the long short of as the Blackhurst world turns. Tune in for twice 11 mins until our next entry!

Love,

Summer

Ps we Got a different dog! Pearl was sweet but she didn't really love kids So we switched her out for Skips - who is a PERFECT fit for our family!!!

Petri

I'm going to lead with James this time! He is talking up a storm and he says the cutest things!! So lets name a few... he calls our dog Pearl = "Purr low." He was trying to tell us something the other day "Pee Tree" Pee Tree" we couldn't figure it out until we looked out the window and saw his pee on the tree outside on the tree - where did he get that from! I have be doing a bunch of planting lately to get ready for spring and James is always right there by my side watering the plants with his bucket of water and then proclaiming "They are happy now!" Of course Will and I melt everytime he says "Thank you mommy" or "Thank you daddy" without prompting. One of his favorite phrases "He's not sharing" whenever someone has a treat or toy and James is convinced that it is whoever's responsibility to share with him, he has pointed out random kids he barely knows and tells on them in this manner. He is so so cute!

Ben is raring up for kindergarten he spends half of his time nervous about it and half the time excited. Ben is getting to be quite a responsible older brother he cleans his room with a little prompting and holds the Madison and James down in stores when they try to run off. I have been pleasantly surprised that instead of terrorizing our new dog he is becoming a little buddy to Pearl. I mean he still does some terrorizing but mostly they are a little team that runs around the neighborhood and Ben feeds her and scratches her little tummy. His new habit is to go around to all the neighbors houses to tell them the latest and greatest about his life. He does this all without telling me. The other day he snuck out of the house and went trick or treating to the neighbors-- the stinker took James and they both came home with a sucker!

Madison is smarter than a whip. She is very perceptive and puts us in our place when she doesn't get what she wants. Today Will chastised her and she wouldn't stop crying until he apologized and then after that she would be consoled. Maddy is tough, she doesn't shy away from jumping on the trampoline with her two rambunctious brothers and she doesn't complain when they topple on top of her. Madison also loves her mom she is a little more reserved than I am used to. James and Ben both have very few boundaries but Madison stays at my side with her hand in mine until she feels comfortable in new situations. Maddy loves the dog and the dog loves her-- mostly because Maddy is short enough to grab just about any food out of her hand with very little effort. And it doesn't help that Maddy will sneak food to the dog when I am not looking. Finally she was my best sleeper the first year of her life and now she is my hardest to get to go to sleep the second year of her life... totally opposite of the boys. Its like she has to decide when she will go to bed or she won't do it. She has been known to cry for five hours straight in the middle of the night if I don't come to her aid!

As for my William- I have not seen a lot of him lately and I miss him like crazy. He is studying every free moment he has to pass a very difficult accounting class he is enrolled in. My kids put me in looney town every other day and often by the time Will does come home I hand them off and go hide in my bedroom until I regain some semblance of sanity.   As for house projects since the bathroom remodel is pretty much done (except a few touch ups here and there) we have turned our focus to the garden. Will has cut sod out of our yard, built four garden boxes and brought in truck loads of dirt rock and sand. Meanwhile I have put together a rock path to our shed and Will is halfway done with a sandbox he is making for the kids....

Before garden picture

 Halfway done garden picture

The boys "helping" with the garden remodel

Halfway done sandbox

Things are going well in Blackhurst town. We are in love with our little family and with one another. Will and I went to the symphony a couple weeks back and I was reminded of the first time we held hands leaving the symphony about a decade ago Will reached down and held my hand for the first time! I was thrilled!

Hope alls well - keep with us on our journey!

Love,

Summer